Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Lose Their Ability To Love?

If one were to meet someone who they are attracted to and things went further, they could find that it is difficult for them to feel and express love for their partner. They are then going to be fond of them but they will feel restricted.

This can mean that they will find it hard to access the feeling of love inside them and this will make it hard for them to show affection, empathy and care, for instance. Due to what is going on, their partner could believe that they are not really into them.

A Natural Outcome

If they had been slightly warmer in the beginning and have become less so as time has passed, their partner might have believed that they would change as time passed. But, even if they haven’t changed, their partner might have still had this outlook.

Yet, regardless of how they were in the beginning, as they are not very warm, it is to be expected that their partner would believe that they are not really into them. At this point, they might think about if they need to call it a day.

A Number of Conversations

If their partner has spoken about what is going on for them, they might have told them that they do have feelings for them and even love them. Yet, as this won’t be something that they typically show, what they say is unlikely to have much of an impact.

So, sooner or later, their relationship could come to an end and when it does, this could be a time when they are not in a good way mentally, emotionally or physically. They could feel very low and even be suicidal.

External Support

If this is the case, it will be vital for them to reach out for external support as they won’t be able to handle what’s going on by themselves. Assuming that this is how they feel and they do reach out for support, this can be a time when they will look deeper into what is going on.

If they do, they can see that this is not the first time that they have been in this position. For example, they might have had at least one other relationship where they had the same challenge.

A Closer Look

Assuming this is so, they could end up wondering why they are unable to connect to the love inside them and freely express how they feel. Thanks to what they have been through on at least two occasions, they are likely to be sick and tired of what is going on.

Moreover, they could feel pretty helpless and hopeless and question if they will ever change. What might enter their mind is that there is something inherently wrong with them and that they are defective, which can cause them to be filled with shame.

Another Angle

However, although they can respond in this way, there is a chance that they become this way after being greatly traumatised during their formative years. There is then nothing inherently wrong with them; they adapted in this way to survive a brutal stage of their life.

But, as most, if not all, of what took place at this stage of their life will have been forgotten about by their conscious mind, it is to be expected that they would believe that there is something inherently wrong with them. Their disconnected mind will lack the information that it needs to form an accurate assessment.

Back In Time

So, practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Being left when they needed attention and receiving attention at the wrong moments would then have been normal.

As the years passed and they became a child, they might have continued to be neglected and they might have been abused in a variety of different ways. The outcome of all this is that they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Rough Time

To handle what happened, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have also involved them losing touch with their connected and feeling true self, and developing a disconnected and unfeeling false self.

Adapting in this way wouldn’t have stopped what was going on, of course, but, it would have stopped them from being consciously aware of the suffering they were experiencing and allowed them to keep it together and function. Many years will have passed but they will continue to be disconnected from their embodied, feeling self.

The outcome

Ultimately, as they were not provided with the love that they needed, they were forced to lose touch with their ability to both give and receive love. Their priority at this stage of their life was to survive, not to grow and expand.

Due to how they adapted and the meaning that was made by their brain, opening up and expressing and receiving love will be seen as something that is not safe. This stage of their life will then be over and it is safe for them to love and be loved, but a big part of them won’t realise this.

Moving Forward

For their life to change, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist to healer.