Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Stop Someone From Being Able To Freely Express Themselves?

Even though someone has the ability to express themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will. Instead, they can have the tendency to play a role.

To use an analogy, it can be as if they have a car that they can drive anywhere but they continually drive the car to the same places. Living in this way will mean that they live a very restricted life.

The Norm

But, although this will be the case, they might not be aware of how restrictive their life is. The reason for this is that they might have behaved in this way for most of their life.

How they behave can then just be seen as who they are and it won’t occur to them that they can change their behaviour. However, as they won’t be freely expressing themselves, they are likely to be affected in one or a variety of ways.

For example

So, they can often feel down and depressed, with it being difficult for them to get things done. At certain times, then, they can find it hard to get out of bed.

Alternatively, as they spend so much time on the go, they might not be aware of what is going on inside them. Still, when they are in bed at night, as they have slowed down, they might find that their mind is overactive and it is struggle for them to sleep.

One Reality

When it comes to how they behave, they could typically do what they can to please others and be easy-going. Due to this, they might often be walked over and not speak up for themselves.

Some of the people in their life could be aware of this and often encourage them to stand up for themselves. But, even if they do, it might not have much of an impact on them.

Another Element

Furthermore, they could live a very monotonous life, with them going to work during the week and usually doing the same things at the weekend. At the weekend, they might watch TV, see friends and/or go shopping.

They might have rarely travelled around their own country, let alone been to another country. What is clear is that unless something changes, their life will continue to pass them by and they won’t be able to make the most of the life that they have been given.

Stepping Back

If they were to become aware of how they have the inclination to play a role and live a very restrictive life, they can wonder why this is. Nonetheless, they can find that this is what feels comfortable.

For them to find out what their life is this way, they can use their imagination. This can be a time when they imagine that they are freely expressing themselves and live a very different life.

Inner Conflict

At first, they can feel free, alive and powerful but, as time passes, they can feel uncomfortable. It can be as if their life is under threat and that they need to go back to how they were in order to survive.

It could be said that there is no reason for them to be this way and that what is going on for them is irrational. Nevertheless, if what took place during their formative years is taken into account, it might make sense.

Back In Time

This may have been a stage of their life when they didn’t receive the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. The reason for this is that their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Also, if they didn’t do what they wanted, they might have been criticised, rejected and even isolated. As they were powerless and dependent, they were unable to change their mother and/or father or to find another family who couldn’t provide them with what they needed.

One option

Consequently, they would have been forced to adapt to them and be who they wanted them to be. This would have involved them losing touch with their connected, true self and developing a disconnected and outer-directed, false self.

And, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that they were worthless and unlovable, that their needs and feelings were bad, and that they have to please others to be supported and survive.

The Truth

In reality, they are not worthless or unlovable, their needs and feelings are not bad, and they don’t need to please others to be supported and survive. For them to know this at the core of their being, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.
This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.