Based on how someone behaves, it could be as if they are here to meet other people’s needs and don’t have any of their own. The reason for this is that they could act like an extension of others.

Apart from taking care of their basic needs, then, such as their need to eat and sleep, they could typically overlook their other needs. So, when they are not at work and, even when they are, they could be there for others.

For Example

Most if not all of their friends could live lives that are anything but stable and could often look towards them to guide them and take care of their problems. In these relationships, they are going to be more like a parent than a friend.

They are going to give a lot but they will receive very little in return, which will greatly deprive them. Due to the imbalance in this area of their life as well as others, they might have moments when they are well and truly warn out.

Inner Conflict

But, even though this might be a time when part of them can see that how they are living is taking it out of them, it might not be long until they go back to how they were before. This will show that the part of them that doesn’t want to live in this way is being outmuscled by another, stronger part of them.

This part of them will make sure that they continue to be there for others and ignore themselves. However, even if they were to no longer behave in this way, it is unlikely that they would simply be able to connect to their needs and live a life that is in alignment with who they are.

Two Hurdles

If they were to reflect on their life and came to see that they are out of balance, they might not know why they behave in this way. And, if they were to think about how they want to live their life, their mind could go blank.

But, if they did have a rough idea about how they want to live and imagined living that life, they could end up feeling anxious and guilty. Taking into account how they feel, it will be as though something bad will happen and they are doing something wrong.


Assuming that they are out of touch with a number of their needs and they don’t feel at ease or good when they think about experiencing life differently, it could show that their early years were a time when they missed out on what they needed.

Still, if they were to think about what took place at this stage of their life, they might not be able to remember much. They might even believe that this stage of their life wasn’t that bad.

Role Reversal

There is a chance that one or both of their parents was emotionally unavailable and unable to be there for them. If it was one parent, this parent might have been more like a child that needed a lot of attention and was unable to handle life.

Thanks to how needy and caught up they were with their own needs, one would have had to adapt to their needs. The outcome of this is that they would have had to lose touch with a number of their needs and feelings.

No Choice

As they were powerless and totally dependent, they had no other option. Naturally, this would have meant that they were unable to receive what they needed in order to go through each developmental stage.

A big part of them wouldn’t have been able to move beyond a certain stage of their development. To handle what was going on, they would have had to develop a disconnected false self.


Part of this false self will be the role that they play, which will relate to them being selfless and mature. Under this false self will be the parts of their being that ended up being split off and repressed by their brain to allow them to keep it together and function.

At this level, they are likely to feel like a needy child that desperately wants to be seen and heard, held and affirmed. This shows that although these developmental needs were repressed, they won’t have disappeared.

It’s too late

As this stage of their life is over, it will be too late for them to meet these needs. For them to gradually change their life, it is likely to be important for them to face and work through the pain that they had to repress and experience their unmet developmental needs.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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