Early Deprivation: Can Someone Try To Make Unresponsive People Responsive If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they continually end up with people who are emotionally unavailable. As a result of this, they are going to be used to being deprived in this area of their life.

Additionally, they may have had a very similar experience over the years when it comes to their friends. In both of these areas of their life, then, it will be normal for them to not be seen or heard.

A Closer Look

If they were to think about what it was like the last time they were dating or in a relationship, what can enter their mind is how the other person was emotionally out of reach. Thus, they might have been able to able to connect with them mentally and share their body with them, but that would have typically been about it.

It would have been as though they were emotionally somewhere else, thereby stopping them from being able to deeply connect to them. They would have been in a relationship, but they would have often felt disconnected and lonely.

A Battle

And, if they brought up how they felt and said to their partner that they themselves seemed out of reach, what they said might have been dismissed. At other moments, what they said might have simply been ignored.

They were then trying to get through to a person, but it would have been as if they were trying to get blood out of a stone. No matter what they did, the outcome would have been the same.

Another Element

What they could also see is that they didn’t end their time with this person as soon as it became clear that they were out of reach. No, they ended up staying with them for weeks, months or even years.

If they stayed with them for months or even years, they probably ended up feeling totally exhausted. Once it came to an end, it might have taken them a long time to get back on their feet, so to speak.

Stepping Back

Assuming that they have been in this situation a number of times over the years, when they think about this area of their life, they can be filled with anger and frustration. Along with this, they can feel a deep sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

However, as they will have continually ended up with people who were unable to not just meet and see them physically but to also meet and see them emotionally, this is to be expected. They will want to be with someone who can acknowledge their emotional self and meet them at this level.

A Drain

For them to not just survive but also thrive, this is what they will need to experience when it comes to their friendships and when they are in an intimate relationship. If, on the other hand, they only had mental and physical needs, it wouldn’t matter if the people in their life were unable to see and hear them.

Taking into account what is going on, it could be said that there is what they want and then, there is what they are receiving. Due to this, what is going on ‘out there’ will be the problem, and until this changes, they will just have to put up with what is going on.

Another Angle

But, although it can seem as though this is the case, what if there is far more to it? What if the only reason their life is this way is because a big part of them wants to experience life in this way?

After hearing this, they could say that this is not true, as experiencing life in this way is causing them to suffer. This is true, but what they will need to keep in mind is that in addition to their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves, they also have an unconscious mind.

Going Deeper

At a deeper level, they can have the need to be around people who are emotionally out of reach and are unable to truly see them. The main reason for this is that, at this level, they can be trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years.

If this is so, this is likely to have been a stage of their life when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Instead of receiving the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, they would have often been ignored, rejected, dismissed, and left.

The outcome

By not having a responsive mother and perhaps a father, they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. They would have experienced a physical but not an emotional birth.

If they had also experienced the latter, they would have developed a strong sense of self and developed a healthy relationship with their needs and feelings, and known they were valuable and lovable. But, as their mother and perhaps their father were generally unresponsive, they wouldn’t have developed a strong sense of self and would have had to lose touch with a number of their needs and feelings.

Self-Alienation

This would have involved them losing touch with their connected, true self and developing a disconnected and outer-directed false self. They would have also come to see their needs and feelings as bad and believed that they were worthless and unlovable.

In reality, their needs and feelings were not bad, and they were not worthless or unlovable; it was that their mother and perhaps their father were unable to love them. But, even though one or both of them couldn’t love them, they would have lived in the hope that, if they struggled for their love, they would love them.

Repeating The Past

This stage of their life will be over, but a big part of them will still be struggling for the love that they missed out on. This part of them will cause them to be drawn to people who can’t see or hear them in the hope of finally being loved.

What this illustrates is that this part of them is blind and has no sense of time, which is why it can’t see that another person is not their parent and that it is too late for them to receive the love that they missed out on. The outcome of this is that, like when they were a child, they will be deprived again and will feel helpless and hopeless.

Moving Forward

For them to gradually put an end to unconsciously re-creating depriving situations, they will need to face and experience the pain and unmet developmental needs that their brain repressed all those years ago. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.