If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what they might find is that they find it hard to feel good about themselves. What could stand out, if they were to take a closer look at how they feel during these moments, is that they feel worthless, unlovable and deeply ashamed.

If they don’t feel very low, it could be because they are doing something that allows them to avoid how they feel. This can mean that they will have the tendency to be in doing mode and will rarely take the time to just be.

A Natural outcome

But, if they believe that these are the only options that they have, this is to be expected. Spending most of their life in doing mode, as much as this will stop them from being able to relax and recharge, will make it easier for them to handle life.

However, as they don’t feel good about themselves, they are unlikely to allow themselves to have a fulfilling life. And, even if they do allow themselves to rise up, they are likely to soon pull themselves back down again.

For Example

So, let’s say that they were to make a lot of progress in their career, after having worked hard, this is not going to feel comfortable. Consequently, they are likely to both consciously and unconsciously do things to go back to where they were, or close to it.

Ultimately, due to how they feel about themselves, they won’t feel worthy and deserving of having their needs met. Not doing well in life and suffering will be what feels comfortable.

An Inner Battle

Additionally, there will be the impact that their inner critic has on how they experience life. This part of them generally won’t be loving and supportive; it will generally be cruel and unsupportive.

But, thanks to how convincing this voice is, they can believe that what it says is the truth. In reality, it will be an intruder and what it says won’t be the truth.

A Very Low Place

Every now and then, when they are not in doing mode, they could end up falling into a very deep hole. This can be a time when they will feel very low and even question if they want to be alive.

Yet, although they will need support during this time, they could keep what is going on for them to themselves. They can believe that if they open up about what is going on for them, they will be humiliated and/or rejected.


If so, it will be as though they are in an invisible prison. It then won’t matter if they have family and/or friends who could assist them or if there is support available as they won’t be able to accept it.

If they were to open up to someone about what is going on for them, this person could make it clear that there is nothing inherently wrong with them and that they deserve to live a fulfilling life. Nonetheless, a big part of them won’t be able to accept that this is the truth.

Totally Irrational

For the person on the outside, then, how they see themselves is not going to have any basis in reality. It can then seem strange as to why they would see themselves in this way and not be able to see that it is not the truth.

Nevertheless, if what took place during their formative years is taken into account, it might soon make complete sense. This may have been a stage of their life when they were often treated as though they were nothing and had no value.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of his life, his mother and/or father might have been critical, cruel and even physically abusive. This would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them.

Furthermore, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. As a result of this, it wasn’t that their mother and/or father were not in a good way; it was that they were worthless and unlovable.

Passed On

Most likely, their mother and/or father had also been brought up by a mother and/or father who were just as destructive. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

The outcome of this is that they would have lost touch with their true self and developed a disconnected false self. Many, many years will have passed but, as they were unable to heal any of their inner wounds, they ended up passing on what was done to them or something that was very similar.

The Same Position

Assuming that it was one parent who was deeply destructive, they wouldn’t have felt good about themselves deep down. But, as they were so estranged from themselves, they wouldn’t have realised that they were projecting disowned parts of themselves into their child and had gone from a victim to a perpetrator.

What this means is that this parent was unable to see them for who they were; they could only see the parts of themselves that they had lost touch with. What this means is that how they were treated was not a reflection of their worth or lovability.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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