While what is taking place externally is relatively easy to notice, the same can’t always be said when it comes to what is taking place internally. Here, one might not be aware of what is going on within them and yet, their actions are still going to be defined by what is taking place there.

If one is aware of what is taking place within them they will be able to see how their inner world is driving their behaviour. But if they are only partly aware or even oblivious to what is taking place, then the reasons as to why they behave as they do is likely to be a mystery.

The Observe

The ideal is for one to be able to observer of what is taking place within them. From here, they will be aware of what is taking place within them and they will have at least three choices.

The first choice will be whether they should let what is going on within them directly determine their behaviour, secondly, if it should be used as feedback and thirdly, if one should just be with what is taking place - neither denying nor acting upon what is happening.

More Than A Robot

One is then not a robot or a zombie that has no control over what they do or do not do. Instead, they have a choice and will be able to reflect on what the best choice is for them at any given moment.

And at the same time, this doesn’t mean that one loses their ability to be spontaneous either. At times it will be important for one to act instantly and this is because they won’t have time to think or it won’t be necessary. This could be a situation that relates to life or death or just when a certain opportunity appears in their life.

The Right Choice

Having this ability it doesn’t mean that one will also make the right choice, but what it will give them is the chance to make the right choice. If they were in a position where they have no control over their behaviour, then their life is unlikely to go in the direction that they want it to go.

And if one had complete control and didn’t allow themselves to be spontaneous from time to time, then they are still likely to miss out on what could take their life in the right direction.

Emotional Awareness

When one is in control of their behaviour they will have self control. And in order to have self control, one will need to be emotionally aware. If they are not aware of their emotions, then there is not much chance of them experiencing any kind of self control and their behaviour will then be out of their control.

If one doesn’t have emotional control. It could feel as though their emotions are working against them and that their emotions are therefore a problem. Behaving in ways that are destructive, dysfunctional and take one away from where they want to go could then be something that one has become accustomed to.


Being emotionally aware is one thing, but if one can’t regulate their emotion it won’t matter how aware they are. This is why having the ability to regulate ones emotions is vital component of experiencing self control. Here, one doesn’t deny how they feel and neither do they act on how they feel; they are able to just be with their emotions.

But even though this is an important ability, it is often the exception as opposed to the rule in today’s world. If this ability is not developed during ones childhood, it might not be developed; that is unless one seeks the assistance of a therapist or some kind of healer in later life for instance.

The Missing Ability

And without this ability, one is going to have to find other ways to deal with their emotions. What they are likely to be familiar with is having no emotional control. They could be described as being impulsive, having an addictive personality or being violent.

This is also going to have an impact on their ability to stick to things in life. So, delaying gratification and handling frustration could also be a challenge.

Perhaps they start something and before long, they feel the urge to do something else. And while this could be the right thing for them to do, if they have a pattern of putting things off or being distracted, then it is going to be a challenge for them to progress in life and to achieve anything.

Self Control

So then, if one can’t regulate their emotions and therefore has difficultly experiencing self control, what can they do? Firstly, this could be a sign that one has an emotional build up that needs to be dealt with. And secondly, one is going to need to develop their ability to regulate their emotions.

If one has not had the ability to regulate their emotions, then pushing them out of their awareness is going to be normal. And this could have been something one has done since their childhood. These emotions will then need to be faced and released.

Through this, one will start to develop their ability to regulate their emotions and they will begin to feel more settled within. This is not to say that this will happen overnight; it will take patience and perseverance.


If one doesn’t have an emotional build up and just wants to develop their ability to regulate their emotions, then this can happen through forming a healthier relationship with them. Here, one can learn to embrace how they feel and this will allow them to gradually become more comfortable with their emotions.

When it comes to dealing with ones emotional build up or feeling comfortable with their emotions, the help of a healer or a therapist might be necessary.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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