​There are going to be moments when someone needs to be in an active state and moments when they will need to be in a passive state. They are, after all, not a tree and neither are they a machine.

If they were more or less always in doing mode, they are likely to end up being burnt out before long. And, if they were always in being mode, very little if anything would get done.


What this illustrates is how important it is to be able to get things done and to be able to take a step back and relax. Both elements then have an important part to play as opposed to only one side being important.

Even so, what can be normal is for someone to be in a passive state and, thus, not take action. As a result of this, they are going to be a bit like a car that doesn’t have an engine.

Another Part

Additionally, they might not have a strong desire to do anything about how they experience life and to get themselves moving more often. Assuming that this is the case, it could mean that they are often in a very low place.

Their life is then not going to be very fulfilling but as they are not in a good way, it is not going to be a surprise that they don’t have a strong desire to do anything about it. Then again, there could be far more to it as they might not believe that they can change their life.

A Bleak Place

If they were to look back on their life, they might see that they have done so much to change their circumstances. But, regardless of what they have done, it might not have had much of an impact on their life.

Not only this but if they were able to make a change in one area, it might not have been long until it went back to how it was before or close to it. Based on what they have experienced, it could be as though there is someone or something ‘out there’ that is holding them back.

An Insurmountable Hurdle

If they have done a lot to change their circumstances over the years but haven’t gotten very far, it is not a surprise that they feel deeply hopeless and helpless. Thanks to what they have been through, they are not going to believe that they can do anything about what is going on.

Deep down, they can believe that the only way that their life will truly change is if what is going on externally changes. Unless this happens, then, they will just have to tolerate what is going on.

The Cause

Taking into account what is going on for them, it could be said that the reason that they spend a lot of time in a collapsed physical and emotional state is because they have experienced so many setbacks. Life has then gradually worn them down and they no longer have the strength to do anything about what is going on.

This can sound accurate, given that they have been through a lot and this has had a big impact on them. However, there could be far more to it than this.

Going Deeper

There is a chance that their early years were also a time when they often felt hopeless and helpless. If so, this may have meant that they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

They might have often been physically harmed, verbally put and/or left. And, as they were powerless and totally dependent, not only would they have felt hopeless and helpless, they were hopeless and helpless.

A Brutal Time

As there was very little that they could do, they would have gradually gone into a shut down, collapsed and disconnected state. This would have been a way for their brain to stop them from being overwhelmed with pain and allowed them to keep it together and function.

With this in mind, being in a passive state as an adult won’t be serving them, but being this way is what would have allowed them to survive during their formative years and what will still be seen as the only way for them to survive. What these early experiences would have done is caused them to see themselves as powerless.

Three Parts

Ergo, being in a collapsed state will be a defence against the pain that they are carrying and they won’t believe that they can truly change their life due to what they every part of their being learned very early on. What will also play a part in why their adult life is very similar to their childhood will be their unmet developmental need to be loved.

The wounded and split of parts, which are held in their unconscious, will cause them to co-create situations, circumstances and events that are very similar to how it was like during their early years, in the hope that they will finally be loved. But, as it is too late for them to receive this love, they will continually be deprived and feel hopeless and helpless.

Moving Forward

A key part of what will allow them to gradually change their life will be for them to face and work through the pain that is inside them and experience their unmet development needs. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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