Emotional Intelligence and Virtuous and Vicious Spirals

We all know what it’s like to feel bad about doing something thoughtlessly. We wake when it’s too late, after the damage is done. And then there are the things we do over and over again, hating ourselves for it every time. Seemingly unable to stop.
But what about the joyfulness of doing something worthwhile, something that makes us feel great every time we think about it. Those times happen too, maybe more than we think they do.
For most of us, we’re more inclined to think we experience more of the first than the second. But that’s not necessarily the case and it certainly doesn’t have to be that way if we understand the nature of virtuous and vicious spirals.

The Process
Both spirals follow the same basic process but differ from each other in direction, scope and intensity.
Here is one loop of a spiral;
1. Think
2. Feel
3. Act
4. Experience
5. Interpret (Think)
Think of this process as one loop of a spiral where each of the five aspects leads on to the next. Thoughts lead to feelings which in turn lead to action. Action produces results which we experience and then interpret (think about).
Each loop starts and ends with thinking. A loop in the spiral can either start with an original thought or, most commonly, the interpretation of an experience. These thoughts start a new cycle of feeling, acting, experiencing and interpreting. One cycle feeding into the next.

Direction
The process starts with a simply, binary choice; positive or negative.
Our default tendency is reactive or negative; and in many senses thoughtless at a conscious level. Our reactions are rooted in our subconscious, survival instincts where any hint of danger calls for swift reactions – escaping from the jaws of a predator. Reactive, survival instincts may be appropriate in the wild but not in a complex human society.
On the other hand, positive conscious choices are responsive. They are acquired through conditioning or training which overrides the natural survival instincts of our primitive mammalian brain, the Amygdalla.
Quick exercise: Draw a horizontal line with a mark at the centre point. You can only move above the line or below it. So draw one arrow pointing upwards and another pointing downwards.
Each arrow represents the basic, binary choice; positive is upwards and negative is downwards. The positive cycle generally starts with a conscious, or conditioned, response while the negative cycle begins with an instinctive reaction.

Scope
Having made the choice, up or down, a whole vista of possibility opens up before one; 180 degrees of possibility. From the tip of the positive arrow draw six arrows leading off in all directions and from the negative arrow draw two arrows leading off it; these arrows represent the possibilities that open up to you once you make your positive or negative choice. I will explain the reason for the six positive and two negative arrows at the end of this article.
As I am sure you have experienced, once we make a choice to be positive or negative a variety of feelings become available to us. The nature of our thoughts and their intensity will determine which feelings we follow; either naturally or by choice. And each bouquet of feelings will in turn drive us towards a certain type of behaviour or action. And each action will result in a variety of possible experiences, some within our control and some out of our control.
Continue the exercise. If the first arrow represented “thought”, the arrows leading from that represent “feelings”. Now you can add another set of arrows to each of the ‘second’ arrows to represent “actions” and another set above those to represent “experiences”.
In either direction you end with a plethora of possibilities; more on the positive and fewer on the negative. That’s the scope of the spirals.

Intensity
As I am sure you have experienced, negativity feels stronger, or more intense, than positivity; in scientific terms this is called “negativity bias’
But, what may not be so evident is that most people normally have more positive experiences each day; what is called “positivity offset”.
So although negativity feels stronger most of us experience more positivity each day; it may not feel like it but that’s the average experience of most people. What is true is that most people don’t have enough positive experiences to fully offset the negativity they experience. As we will see in the next articles, it is the ratio between positive and negative experiences that largely determine whether we flourish and flounder.
It is easier to spiral out of control into a negative scenario than it is into a positive one. We see this on a daily basis whether in family feuds, civil wars and global conflicts, where sometimes seemingly minor incidents spark off massive conflict. And things go from bad to worse to terrible.
Positivity cycles are much less likely to spin out of control because they are less intense and because they invariably get interrupted by the proverbial “wake-up call”, some negative thought or experience that brings one “down to earth” again.
Understanding this can make a huge difference to the way we interpret our experiences and so choose the direction of our emotional cycles.

Scope revisited
Why did I ask you to draw six arrows above the arrow representing the positive choice and only two on the negative arrow? Good question and here’s a quick answer because we will look at this in more detail in a future article.
There are more arrows on the positivity arrow because positivity broadens one’s options whereas negativity narrows the options.
Reaction is an ‘in the moment’ thing and is generally represented by two main alternatives, fight or flight.
Positivity on the other hand takes a more studied approach and as such opens up many more possibilities.
But how can you take a ‘studied approach’ when there’s a crisis looming? Another good question.
Positivity allows you to ‘live in the moment’ both before and after the moment!
Positivity empowers you to imagine a positive response before you need it. For example you may see or read about an incident and then imagine how you would respond in such a circumstance. If and when you do experience such a circumstance, you have a ready-made template for your response. You don’t have to think about it in the moment, you act ‘according to plan’.
Positivity also empowers you to learn from past experiences and so develop a better plan for future, similar situations. Negativity invariably precludes learning by overwhelming us with negative feelings such as guilt, shame or anger.

Changing direction of a spiral
Who in their right mind would want to change the direction of a virtuous spiral? Obviously no one! Virtuous spirals are frequently challenged, the proverbial wake up calls. You don’t have to want to change the direction of a virtuous spiral. But it does need one to be alert to keep it moving in the right direction. .
But we do need to be ready to change direction of a vicious spiral if we want to truly enjoy life. This will also be covered in more detail in future articles but here’s what you need to know now;
At each point on the loop of “Think – Feel – Act – Experience – Interpret” there is feedback about what’s happening and, with it, an opportunity to change direction.
Changing direction always involves change! Sounds obvious but here’s what most people miss. It needs changing about the way “I” think about the situation. All too often we are inclined to think that others must change in order for the situation to change but that is a negative and dis-empowering position to hold and it always leads to more negative results. You might experience a change in degree (scope) but not in direction. The ball is always in someone else’s court. And that is not the way to control any game, let alone your life.
You have heard it said, “For things to change, you have to change!”
That is certainly valid and true, the question we must ask ourselves is this;
“How do I change myself if nothing else around me changes?
When you ask that question, you step into positivity and accept a new kind of power.
Just do it!