Nowadays, it is often believed that someone’s feelings are caused by their thoughts. Thus, if someone wants to change how they feel, it will be essential for them to change the thoughts that are running through their head.

The reason this is widely believed is partly due to the self-development industry, with their being hundreds, if not thousands, of books that espouse this view. Thanks to this information, people from all over the world now believe this.

The Observer

So, if someone wants to feel good, or even if they simply want to feel more at peace, it will be clear what they need to do. The first step might be for them to gradually detach from what is taking place inside their head.

From here, they will have the opportunity to decide whether or not they will get caught up in a thought that arises. In addition to this, they can start to define what thoughts they have, which will allow them to experience ‘positive’ feelings.

Black and White

This is then going to be a pretty straight forward process, something that just about anyone can follow. Through using the willpower that is at their disposal, it will only be a matter of time before they will have mastered their emotions.

There is the chance that this will be something that will take a matter of months, not days; but it will happen as long as one keeps going and doesn’t give up. This can be seen as a masculine approach, as one will be using a lot of force.

An Analogy

One way of looking at this would be to imagine that someone is trying to dig a small tree up. In the beginning, the tree won’t move but as long as they keep digging, the tree will begin to move.

Each shovel of dirt that they remove will bring them closer to their end goal; being able to get the tree out of the ground. They will be using their strength in order to achieve their desired outcome.

Intense Pressure

Although there may be people out there who can change their feelings by changing their thoughts, there are going to be others who are unable to do so. Yet, if they believe that their thoughts create their feelings, they can come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with them.

Unlike the people who are able to do this, it can be as if they are weak and incapable, lacking what is necessary to get their feelings under control. This could be something that has more of a negative effect on someone if they are a man, too.

An Identity

For example, a man could believe that he needs to come cross as a strong, which is not going to happen if he can’t manage his feelings. As a result of not being able to do this, he could end up feeling even worse than he already does.

Needing to come across as strong and having it all together could also stop him from reaching out for support. He is then not going to be in a good way, but he will end up suffering in silence.

Another Outlook

In reality, the view that someone’s feelings are caused by their thoughts is a half-truth. There is no doubt that someone’s thoughts play a part in how they feel, yet it is not as simple as this.

Not only is information going down, it is also going up; in other words, this is a two way process. Their thoughts can influence how they feel, just as their feelings can influence what they think.

The Activator

Let’s say that someone a carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body; what is taking place in their head can bring this pain up to the surface. In this case, their thoughts have merely triggered what is already within them.

The pain that is within them could relate to a traumatic experience in their life, or a number of experiences that left a mark on their brain and body. Through carrying so much pain, it can be more or less impossible for them to control their feelings through changing their thoughts.

All at Sea

This is then going to be the difference between one being in the middle of a bath and being in the middle of the ocean. It will be possible for them to stabilize the water in the bath, but they won’t be able to stabilize the water in the ocean.

What this will show is that they are carrying a lot of pain, pain that needs to be resolved. This is going to stop them from being able to regulate how they feel, and this proves that there is something wrong with their inner world, not that they are weak.


If another person does say that they are weak, this person might also be just as ‘weak’ if they were carrying trauma. It is going to be vital for someone to reach out for external support if they are carrying trauma.

Suffering in silence is not the answer; this will only cause them to feel even worse as time goes by. This support can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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