Someone’s emotional self will allow them to feel connected to life and others, and to feel supported. Clearly, then, this part of them will serve a very different purpose to their mental self.

This part of them will give them the ability to think, plan, reflect and understand how they feel. Therefore, both of these aspects play an important role in their ability to live a life that is worth living.

The Ideal

With this in mind, when both of these aspects are in a good way, one will be able to operate as a whole human being. They will have access to the resources that are inside them and to handle life.

When one is not in this position, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. This can mean that they will often be overwhelmed by their feelings or they will be out of touch with how they feel.

One Experience

If they are often overwhelmed by them, this part of their being is likely to be seen as a problem. They will be like a small raft in the ocean that is tossed all over the place by the waves.

In their case, they will be tossed all over the place by their emotional waves. As opposed to feeling like a strong and capable adult, they are likely to feel like a powerless and dependent child.

One Outcome

Due to being this way, they can be drawn to people who come across as strong and having it all together. They could practically give themselves over to these people, unconsciously seeing them as parental figures.

They are then likely to lose themselves around these people but these people will provide them with the stability that they lack. Lacking an internal sense of strength, they will need others to provide them with the strength that they lack.

Another Experience

On the other hand, if they are often out of touch with how they feel, they can typically feel as though they are missing something. The support and substance that their emotional self would provide them with will be missing, so this is to be expected.

Being thrown around by their emotional waves won’t be something that they generally experience but they won’t be any better off. What can be their biggest issue is feeling empty, numb, and ungrounded.

One Outcome

By being this way, they can be drawn to people who are emotionally unstable. From the outside, it will appear as though they are radically different to these people; in reality, these people are likely to reflect how they feel deep down.

If they were to get in touch with how they feel, they could be just as unstable as the people they are drawn to. One will typically have the lid on their feelings, whilst some of the people in their life won’t.

A Closer Look

Now, regardless of whether one is generally all at sea emotionally or is out of touch with how they feel, they are not going to feel supported. One way of looking at the difference between someone who is generally all at sea and someone who isn’t would be to say that the formers ability to repress how they feel is not very effective whilst the latter’s ability to repress how they feel is very effective.

But, beyond this, they are both not in a good way emotionally. This part of someone’s being should be there to give them the support and nourishment that they need; it shouldn’t be a source of pain.

What going on?

When it comes to why someone’s emotional self is not serving them, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met and they may have been physically harmed.

Instead of having experience after experience of having their developmental needs met, which would have allowed them to develop emotionally, they would have been deprived of the nutrients that they needed time and time again. Along with this, each time this took place they would have been deeply wounded.

Loaded With Pain

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but they will be carrying the pain that they experienced all those years ago. Unless this pain is dealt with, they won’t be able to access the strength that is inside them.

Their emotional self will continue to be a part of their being that undermines them and they won’t be able to be in their power. They will look like an adult but they will feel like an abandoned child.

The way out is through

As the pain inside them will relate to how they felt as a child, it won’t be possible for them to think this pain away. The only thing that changing their thoughts will do is repress this pain.

If their thoughts were causing these feelings, then it would be possible for them to think this pain away. What this comes down to is that while one’s thoughts can define how one feels, they can also trigger feelings that are held inside their body.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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