In order for someone to truly embrace life, they will need to be connected to their emotional self. The reason for this is that, through having this connection, they will know what they need to do and they will be able to connect to others.

Without it, then, they will struggle to know what it is that they need to do in life and they will have surface-level relationships with others. In other words, their intellect alone is not going to shed light on what it is that they need to do or allow them to deeply connect with others.

The Outcome

When one is out of touch with their body (emotional self) and their point of awareness is in their head (mental self), they will look towards the external world when it comes to what they should be doing with their life. Doing what others suggest may allow them to gain approval but it most likely won’t set their heart on fire.

One way to look at their emotional self would be to say that it is a receptor that allows them to experience depth and a deep connection and, thereby, to truly take life in. So, with this part of them offline, they will only be able to go to a certain level with life and with others.

The Point Of No Return

Now, after experiencing life in this way for many, many years, one could get to the point where they have had enough. Feeling lost, empty, helpless, disconnected and alone, for instance, could be a normal part of their life and this will be unbearable.

What could have given them an extra push is that their job could be soul-destroying or they might not have been able to deeply connect with someone who they wanted to connect with. Whatever it is, they won’t be able to carry on in the same way.

Going Deeper

At this point, it could be said that one is in a traumatised state and that’s why they are unable to be in their body and to connect with how they feel. What has taken place during their adult years could be put forward as having played a part.

But, it is far more likely that what took place when they were growing up had the biggest effect. Going along with this view, this was the stage of their life when they split-off from their body.

Too Much To Handle

This could have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. If this did take place, it would have meant that they would have often felt overwhelmed, and leaving their body would have been a way for them to handle all the arousal.

They wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away and to put what was taking place to an end; freezing up and leaving their body was their only option. Over time, living “up top” would have been their default position.

From Adaptive To Maladaptive

Therefore, while living on the surface of themselves is causing them problems now that they are an adult, there would have been a time when living in their way kept them alive. What took place would have shaped their brain and nervous system.

Due to this, one is not going to be able to change their life by simply changing their thoughts and behaviour. To use an analogy: as it will be their hardware that is faulty, purely focusing on their software won’t cut it.

Far More to It

To go one step back, what if what took place during their early years was not the cause? What if what they are like as an adult goes back even further, to when they were in their mother’s womb?

If this is so, it would mean that what took place during their childhood was a continuation of previous trauma and something that further strengthened what they had already been through. Or, this could explain why one’s childhood was fine, assuming it was, but they are emotionally disconnected.

Right Back

Their mother’s womb would have been their first environment and this environment would have shaped their developing brain and nervous system. With this in mind, if this stage of their life was not very nourishing and harmonious, it would have negatively impacted them.

There can be a variety of reasons as to why this period of their life was traumatising but, irrespective of why this was, this would have been a time of their life that was incredibly painful and perhaps their “heart broke” (with this being the reason why they may have been born with heart problems and/or experienced them later in life). To handle what was going on, there would have been a split that took place, causing them to be a divided being long before they were even born.

A Replay

What this womb trauma would have done is stop them from being able to feel connected to their mother and to bond with her. How they feel as an adult will be a continuation of how they felt in their mother’s womb.

Here, they may have felt disconnected, alone, fearful, terrified, helpless and, at least emotionally, they may have died whilst they were there. To say that this stage of their life was brutal would be an understatement.

A Slow Process

By the time they entered their second environment, the world, they would have been in a deeply traumatised and disconnected state. The trouble is that through being loaded up with so much trauma and emotional pain, whenever they do get in touch with how they feel, it will be extremely painful and so, being in a detached, indifferent state will be an important defensive position.

As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to just get back into their body and to connect to their true-self. If this is rushed and one tries to use their willpower to do it, they are likely to be retraumatized and pushed back out of their body.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Lastly, it will be important for one to be compassionate towards themselves as they didn’t choose to be this way and they will have suffered enough already. To face and to deal with their early wounds will take immense courage and, as they have got to this point, it shows that they have incredible inner strength.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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