What someone may find is that they often feel flat and as though they are missing something. During these moments, they are not going to be filled with energy or feel alive.

When this happens, they could feel the need to do something, which could soon allow them to change what is going on for them. This could be a time when they will end up consuming something or engaging in a certain activity.

Back To Life

As a result of this, their inner state could soon change, with them experiencing an increase in energy and feeling more substantial. This may mean that they have eaten something or they may have exercised.

Before long, though, they are likely to go back to how they were before. To use an analogy: it could be as if they were an appliance that was plugged in and now this appliance will have been unplugged.

Slightly Different

Also, they could feel as though they are ‘plugged’ in when they meet someone for the first time and end up getting into a relationship. But, as time passes, they could soon go back to how they were before and feel ‘unplugged.’

This is something that could take place if the relationship was to come to an end. To use another analogy: they can be like a balloon that was filled with air at one point and a balloon that lost all its air at another.

Two Experiences

Now, if they feel flat and as though they are missing something, it is likely to show that they are in a shut down state. They won’t be able to connect to how they truly feel during this time.

If they are able to connect to how they feel, this can be a time when they will feel rejected, abandoned and worthless, among other things. This, then, won’t be a time when they feel flat or empty, but it won’t be a time when they feel nourished and supported either.

Another Analogy

This can be seen as being similar to how it would be if they were desperate for human contact and came into contact with people who were abusive. They would have human contact, but it wouldn’t be the right kind.

So, thanks to how painful these feelings are, they might probably prefer to be in a disconnected state. Being this way won’t be very pleasurable but it will be better than the alternative.

A Life Sentence

If they were able to reflect on their life, they might come to the conclusion that there is something inherently wrong with them. Also, they could believe that they were just born this way.

Consequently, there is not going to be a great deal that they can do and they will simply have to tolerate what is going on. Nonetheless, there is likely to be far more to it than this.

What going on?

If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it could show that they missed out on the nutrients that they needed at the beginning of their life. This would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way.

Instead of being able to go from a dependent to an interdependent human being, they would have stayed in a dependent state. Not only this, they would have been deeply wounded by not having most of their developmental needs met.

A Closer Look

So, when they were an infant and then a toddler, and perhaps for a number of years after, they may have often been left. When they were given attention, it may have largely been missatuned care.

This would have caused them to experience a lot of pain and their only option would have been to repress this pain and to disconnect from themselves. They wouldn’t have been able to change their caregiver’s behaviour or to find another home.

Deeply Deprived

This will show that while they had a physical birth, they didn’t have an emotional birth. If they had received what they needed, they would have experienced this birth and they would probably feel whole and complete.

But, as they didn’t, it is to be expected that they would feel empty and incomplete and would carry a lot of painful feelings. Therefore, as an adult, it is to be expected that they will only have two options; to be out of touch with this pain and feel empty, or to be in touch with it and be in a lot of pain.

Moving Forward

What they will need to keep in mind is that what took place wasn’t their fault. They were not left because they or their needs were bad; they were left because of what was going on for their caregivers.

To understand this at the core of their being, they will need to question what they believe and work through the pain that is held inside them. Still, this is not something that will take place overnight; it will take patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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