After someone has become aware of the fact that they are not connected to their feelings or are rarely connected to them, they might end up criticising themselves. They could even end up believing that there is something inherently wrong with them.

If so, this is not going to be a time when they will be kind and compassionate towards themselves. Being this way is going to make their life harder than it needs to be and not being on their own side will make it even harder.

One Step Back

When it comes to how they become aware of their inner disconnection, it could be because they got into a relationship. At first, they might have been fine but as things progressed, it would have become clear that something wasn’t right.

Instead of being able to emotionally connect to their partner and freely express how they felt, this wouldn’t have taken place. They might have wondered what was going on and perhaps questioned if they were with the right person.


Once it became clear that they didn’t have a strong connection with their feelings, it might not have been long until the relationship came to an end. Before this took place, though, their partner might have criticised them for how they were.

If so, this would have made it harder for them to handle what was going on and perhaps to feel bad, too. Still, even if this didn’t take place, what was going on was likely to have been deeply frustrating for them.

A Similar Experience

What they may also find, if they were to look back on their life, is that this is not the first time they have had this experience. They may have been in at least one other relationship where they were unable to connect to how they felt.

If they have, they might have simply believed that they were with the wrong person and it would be different once they met the right person. Yet, now that this has happened on more than one occasion, it will be clear that what is going on for them is the issue.

Additional Feedback

Along with what has taken place when it comes to their romantic relationships, they might have at least one friend that has described them as being emotionally disconnected. This friend might have expressed this in a critical manner or they might not.

Either way, after the experiences that they have had and the feedback that they have received, they won’t be able to ignore what is going on for them. The trouble is that although they are aware of what is going on, how they are viewing what is going on is not going to serve them.

The Truth

What they will need to keep in mind at this point is that they are not choosing to be this way and if they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a strong chance that they have been deeply traumatised. Considering this, it will be important for them to be kind and compassionate toward themselves.

Moreover, as opposed to judging themselves, they can move to a place of being deeply curious about why they are this way. By doing this, they will gradually go from being their own worst enemy to their own best friend.

A Closer Look

If they were to look back on their life, they might not be able to remember a time that was very stressful. What this can show is that their brain has blocked out what took place in order to allow them to function and keep it together.

The downside of this is that the information that would shed light on why they are this way will be outside of their conscious awareness. There is a chance that they were deeply traumatised during their formative years.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of their life, they might have been overwhelmed on a regular basis, with this causing them to shut down after a while. This could show that they were abused and/or neglected.

Due to how underdeveloped they were and as they were unable to attach to their parent or parents, they wouldn’t have been another option. Losing the ability to feel was then what allowed them to handle a brutal stage of their life.

The Key Point

Keeping this in mind is likely to play an important part in them being able to see themselves differently and be kind towards themselves. They will be able to see that while their inner disconnection is making their life harder as an adult if they didn’t respond in this way earlier on, they probably wouldn’t be alive.

They will have been through a lot and by understanding why they are this way and being in a place of acceptance, it will be a lot easier for them to move forward. Being in a place of resistance, on the other hand, will make it harder.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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