If someone was to take a step back from their life and to reflect on their expectations, what they may find is a lot of these are “negative”. The expectations that they do have that are “positive” are then going to be overshadowed by those that are “negative”.

After this, they could find that their life has been this way for a very long time. What could also come to mind is that, in general, a lot of “negative” things do happen.

A Natural Consequence

As a result of this, one could believe that the only reason they expect “negative” things to happen is that this is what largely takes place. Their expectations are then secondary and what they experience is primary.

This would be coming from the view that one is merely an observer of their reality. Through being this way, they could believe that their life is the way that it is due to them being “unlucky”.

The illusion of Separation

However, although their ego-mind, along with their eyes, will create the impression that they are just observing what is going on ‘out there’, this is not the truth. Ultimately, one is both the observer and the co-creator of their reality.

This means that their “negative” expectations are having an effect on their reality. Therefore, once they start to change their expectations, they will be able to co-create a different reality.

A Few Examples

If they were to take a deeper look at their “negative” expectations, they may find that they have some, if not all, of the following:

That they expect good things to end
That they expect to be left
That they expect to be harmed
That they expect to be mistreated
That they expect to be punished
That they expect to be told off
That they expect to be humiliated
That they expect to be rejected

One Approach

At this point, it could be said that this shows that one has “cognitive distortions” and that they need to replace these distortions with “positive” expectations. This doesn’t mean that their life will always go as they want it to after this happens but it will certainly improve.

Instead of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”, so speak, and being unable to enjoy the good that is in their life, they will be able to embrace the good times and to know that more will come. This will make it will be easier for them to be present and to surrender to what is.

Two Levels

Now, regardless of whether this approach does or doesn’t work, and even if it does, it might not work for very long, one won’t find out why they have these expectations. Still, it could be said that it doesn’t matter where they come from; what matters is that they are changed.

Most likely, these “negative” expectations will be the result of what they actually experienced during their early years, if not before. In addition to the expectations that were created, then, would have been the emotional pain that went with it.

A Surface level Approach

Simply changing the “cognitive distortions” up top will allow someone to avoid the pain that goes with them, with this pain being held in their body. Nonetheless, as they are likely to live in a society that is mind-centric, it is not going to be a surprise if this pain and their body are overlooked.

It will be “all about the mind” and the other parts of their being, that’s if they are even acknowledged, won’t be seen as being important. What will also play a part in their body being overlooked is that their feelings will be seen as being caused by their thoughts.

Back In Time

This is a half-truth, and one that has and will continue to send people down the garden path; the other part of this is that their thoughts can trigger feelings that are trapped in their body. When it comes to their early years, this may have been a time when they were traumatised on a regular basis.

Bad things would have taken place on a weekly, if not daily, basis and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. It won’t matter how many years pass, this pain won’t simply disappear.

Awareness

If becoming aware of what is taking place up top is the first step, the second step is for one to get in touch with the pain that goes with it. From here, one can start to work through their emotional wounds.

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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