Explore, Don't Ignore: A Client Perspective

The other day, I could tell something wasn't right. I felt ill-at-ease, but had no idea what was going on.

Was I getting sick? Was I picking up on the collective mood of the universe? I didn't know.

I tried to go about my day - doing the tasks at hand, sticking to my well-crafted schedule. But this darned thing wouldn't leave me alone.

Finally, I remembered a fantastic coaching sessio
I had when I learned to explore instead of ignore. Here's the dialogue between my coach and me...the client.

COACH: If you didn't make this feeling bad or wrong, what could happen?
CLIENT: Well...I guess that I would be a little more open to looking at this thing.
COACH: OK...Want to try that?
CLIENT: Sure.
COACH: How would you describe this...thing?
CLIENT: Um...it feels like a little painful ball that is in my stomach and wants to come up into my throat. It's uncomfortable and wants my attention, but I don't want to be bothered. I'm holding it down. I want it to just go away so I can continue to live my life.
COACH: That's a great start...so, it's an uncomfortable ball that wants to come up to the surface AND it's interrupting your life.
CLIENT: Yes.
COACH: Lets imagine that you could allow it up, just to see what it is. You can always send it back down. Can you do that?
CLIENT: I think so. But the first thing I think of is that it represents some pain about my life and there are tears inside of it. I don't want to feel anymore pain and I don't want to cry anymore tears.
COACH: What would happen if you felt pain and cried?
CLIENT: I might not stop. I don't know how deep this pain goes and it seems better to just leave it alone. Unfortunately it's not leaving me alone.
COACH: So, if you can't stop feeling pain and crying, what will happen?
CLIENT: Well, now that I think about it, of course I would stop crying. My body can only cry for so long. My fear is that I'll spiral down into some low place and get trapped there. I'm afraid I'll be trapped and it will kill me...I'll die.
COACH: Has that happened before?
CLIENT: Not exactly...kind of...but...I guess I eventually climbed out.
COACH: How did you do that?
CLIENT: I saw the pain, I cried the tears. I made some decisions that helped me to move forward.
COACH: So it didn't last forever and it didn't take you all the way out. You didn't die.
CLIENT: No...in fact, I remember, it actually was cleansing and I was able to release something and do better afterward.
COACH: OK...So could that possibly be what's going on now?
CLIENT: Yes.
COACH: So what is this pain ball with tears?
CLIENT: I've been feeling some anxiety about my life...I haven't done enough. I 'should' be in a better place tha
I am. I have regret and some shame. It's like I'm just starting to figure out my life. Why has it taken me SO long?
COACH: Yes...that's sounds hard. What would your wisest self say to that part of you?
CLIENT: He would tell me that sometimes life doesn't go how you want. Sometimes you don't wake up to things until you're able to see them. Huh...maybe I just need to feel the sadness.
COACH: Will sadness kill you?
CLIENT: No...it won't kill me. I actually feel some compassion for myself and for the human condition. Life can be tough for us humans.
COACH: Yes...what if you fully accept this?
CLIENT: Well, I could forgive myself. I could find a way to move on from here.
COACH: ...just like you did before.
CLIENT: Yes...Wow! I feel relieved. Lighter.
COACH: What are you learning?
CLIENT: That this thing wasn't as big as I thought. That I actually have a way to deal with things and I don't need to be so afraid that it will wipe me out. The tears actually release tension. I feel like I coughed up a fur ball...like a cat.
COACH: What do you want to do now?
CLIENT: Well, I feel like I could create something today. I feel inspired and like I'm in a very authentic place inside of myself. If I release these fur balls when they start to come up, it might be a much smaller interruption tha
I imagined. Plus I would feel so much better.
COACH: Right. It won't kill you. It just wants to come up for healing.