In order for someone to live a fulfilling life, they will need to be able to tune into what is taking place internally and externally. The reason for this is that when it comes to the former, this will allow them to know what their needs are and then go about fulfilling them.

As for the latter, this will give them the ability to connect to others and to know what their needs are. Both sides, then, will also be essential when it comes to having fulfilling relationships.

Another Reality

However, although this is so, it doesn’t mean that everyone has a good connection with both their inner and outer world. What can be normal is for someone to have a weak connection to what is going on internally and to be more or less completely focused on what is going on externally.

And, if this is just what is normal, it can mean that they won’t be consciously aware of what is going on. But, as they live this way, most if not all of their life is not going to be in alignment with their true self.

A Mismatch

The only way that this would change is if they were to bring their attention inward and connect to their needs and feelings. Until this happens, their life will be a reflection of their disconnected, false self.

In general, how they live their life will be a consequence of what will please others and what they think will please others. This is likely to typically take place without them even thinking about it.

A Well-Developed Ability

Due to how focused they are on what is going on externally, it can be effortless for them to know what other people need and want. Without them needing to say anything, they could just know.

This may mean that they have a job or a career that involves looking after others in some shape or form. For example, they could be a carer, nurse, work in a restaurant, or a personal secretary.

Endless Acceptance

When they are at work, they are likely to receive a lot of positive feedback and the same thing can take place in their personal life. Other people could constantly tell them how caring and considerate they are.

If they generally come across as happy and full of life, all this positive feedback will help to pump them up. Another part of his is that putting on a happy face around others is likely to be something that just happens.

An Act

When they are not around others, though, they could often feel low and even depressed. Yet, before long, they could soon consume or engage in an activity that will change how they feel.

This can be something that happens so fast that they often don’t even realise that they feel low or depressed. Naturally, as they are not living a life that matches up with who they are, it is to be expected that they would feel this way deep down.

On The Treadmill

Taking into account that they are going to be carrying a lot of pain, it won’t be a surprise if they are practically always on the go. This will be a way for them to avoid themselves.

One way of looking at this would be to say that they won’t be truly living, as their life will be one big escape. Therefore, even if they say that they are stressed or overworked, they will have unconsciously chosen to create a life that is like this.

Stepping Back

If they were to get to the stage where they can no longer carry on living in this way, perhaps due to having a breakdown or being totally exhausted, they might end up looking for answers. This can be a time when they will look into why they are so focused on others and are carrying so much pain.

As they don’t know, at a conscious level, why they are this way, this is likely to show that their brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on what they are this way. This will have taken place to protect them, not harm them.

Back In Time

What this may illustrate is that they were brought up in an environment that was anything but nurturing, with this being a time when it wasn’t safe for them to simply be and to grow and develop. Due to what was going on externally, they would have been forced to disconnect from themselves and focus on one or both of their caregivers.

Their parent/s may have physically harmed them and been emotionally unstable and thus, they would have been on edge a lot of the time. Not being connected to their body and being in hypervigilant mode would have been essential for their survival.


As they were powerless and totally dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could do, apart from adapting to their environment and losing themselves. The pain that they were in would have automatically been repressed by their brain causing them to go into a shut-down and disconnected state.

Living up top will have served them then but now it will be causing them to suffer unnecessarily. For them to develop a better connection with their body and to become more in balance, they will probably need to work through the pain that is inside their brain and body


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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