Family Constellations

Ever know a family that seemed “cursed?” Patterns of bad fortune sometimes go back several generations, due to forces that act as an energetic, rather than a genetic legacy. Alison Rose Levy, another intent.com voice, has written about this in her blog, calling it your “psycho-energetic inheritance.” Examples of psycho-energetic impediments are such injustices as a murder that was never discovered, a stillborn child who was never mourned, a suicide that was never acknowledged, or a secret, shady business deal. While parents’ deepest wishes are that their children thrive and their relationships work, an individual’s future may be out of his/her control, and sometimes a child’s way of belonging is to suffer like those who came before him. A child may become “entangled” in the difficult fate of a past family member, and unconsciously draw unhappiness, failure, addiction or illness, perhaps autism, into his own life. This child is very often the unconscious “sacrifice” for unresolved guilt and grief. I just participated in a remarkable day of family constellations. First an Individual presents a personal or family issue to a facilitator. Then he/she chooses representatives for family members from a circle of participants, and positions them in a way that seems right. In a short time the representatives begin to experience physical sensations, emotions or urges, belonging not to themselves but to the family members they represent. It is as though they have become antennae, receiving information from a “family soul” mysteriously present in the room. Facilitators refer to this as the “knowing field.” rnThrough observations, questions, trial statements and movements, the facilitator and client come to see the issue in a new way and create a resolution that enables the client to break his/her connection with difficulties in the family’s past. As the hidden dynamic becomes clear, and movements of peace and reconciliation arise, the genuine love and strength in a family begin to flow in a healthy way. Healing involves relating and communicating to everybody who is alive, as well as holding a loving memory of those who are gone. Love and respect must flow through the family in the present and at least two generations prior with no exclusions. rnDietrich Klinghardt, MD, PhD. www.klinghardt.org , an expert on healing, strongly recommends that families of children with autism have a family constellation. Practiced widely in Europe, family constellations are slowly being adopted by mental health professionals in the United States today. Klinghardt recommends two or three sessions of Family Constellation work to free up the system so that other interventions become more effective. rnGrowing out of the family systems movement of the 1950’s, this approach begins with the idea that instead of originating in an individual’s life history from birth to the present, dysfunction and suffering often relate to painful events in the family’s past. According to this model, conceived by Murray Bowen in the 1970’s and 1980’s, and expanded by German psychoanalyst, Bert Hellinger in the 1990’s, a family system is comprised of the genetically linked persons of the last three generations and all of their respective partners and siblings. Every member of a family has an equal right to belong. If someone denies this right to one of the members, another member will try to balance the family by self-excluding him/herself. An Example The family history of one boy with autism was full of turmoil and pain on both sides. The father was excessively involved with his own mother; the boy’s mother, an immigrant, had been unable to establish roots in her husband’s country; and a decision to abort a child from a former relationship had been made with too little respect and seriousness to bring the event to a healthy closure. rnAs the constellation unfolded, the body language of the boy’s representative showed how he was tied to those issues. To lighten the burden on their son, the father needed to free himself from his attachment to his own mother and become more available to his current family. The mother needed to develop a sense of rootedness in and respect for her new country. Together they needed to honor the soul of the aborted child by creating a place for it in their hearts. rnSix Hellinger Institutes and independent groups offer family constellations across the United States. Klinghardt facilitates constellations in monthly “Healing Evenings.” Hellinger’s work is available in many books published byZeig Tucker & Theisen,and continues to evolve from a lifetime of rich experience, including years as a priest and living with the Zulu tribe in Africa. To learn more about family constellations, read Ulsamer’s Healing the Power of the Past and visit www.hellingerpa.com www.hellinger.com, www.theconstellationsgroup.com and www.collectiverealm.com