What can be normal is for a man to be easy-going and ‘nice’, with him having the tendency to do what other people want. In general, he could act as though he is nothing more than an extension of others.

By being this way, he is likely to often do things that he would rather not do and be walked over. This is not to say that he will consciously choose to be this way as this can just be what happens.

The Priority

Even so, if he was to go deep inside himself, what he may find is that he is focused on doing what he can to please others in order to survive. Therefore, acting as an individual and asserting himself will be seen as something that will put his very survival at risk.

Being a non-entity then and doing what other people want will be a way for him to feel at ease. Still, as being this way won’t stop him from being mistreated or harmed, it is not going to be a very effective approach.


What is clear is that he won’t have a felt sense of safety and he won’t realise that other people don’t have the right to do whatever they want to him. Due to this, it is to be expected that he will be a people pleaser and allow others to treat him like a doormat.

Ultimately, he won’t own himself; other people will own him. He is then going to be free to live his life but he will see himself as nothing more than a powerless slave, who has no value.

Another Area

Along with how he is treated by a number of the people in his life and the strangers who he comes into contact with, he could have a job that is soul-destroying. He can be treated badly here and be desperate to leave.

But, thanks to what is going on for him, he can believe that he has no choice and just has to put up with it. He could often feel as though where he works own him and that he is their possession.

A Bleak Existence

By living in this way, it is not going to be a surprise if he often feels low and depressed and even thinks about ending his life from time to time. He won’t live a fulfilling life yet he won’t feel as though he can do anything about it.

Naturally, being in this helpless and hopeless place won’t fill him with inner strength and allow him to see a way out. He will be a deep hole and each day is going to be a battle.

What’s going on?

If he was able to step back from what is going on and reflect on his life, he might wonder why his life is this way. What could come to mind is that this is just what his life is like and that he was even born this way.

Thus, his conscious mind is not going to have any idea about why he is this way. What this is likely to show is that his brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on why he is this way.

A Closer Look

If he was able to connect with what took place during his early years, he may find that this was a stage of his life when he was harmed by his father and perhaps his mother too. If this is the case, throughout this time, he would have been physically harmed by his father.

This may have taken place if he didn’t do what both his father and mother wanted and even if he did. He would then have been treated like an object that had no value, no rights and no control.

Deeply Deprived

As a result of this, he will have missed out on the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. He will lack a felt sense of safety, security, worth, deserving and love.

Also, he won’t know that he has the right to say no, protect himself, stand his ground and assert himself. The experiences that he had would have also caused him to lose touch with his aggression/fight instinct and end up being defenceless and lifeless.

A Natural Outcome

But, considering how he was treated year after year, for however many years, how else would he be? How he experiences life as an adult will be a continuation of how he experienced life as a child.

The people will be different but what takes place will be very similar and so will how he feels. What will have stopped him from being able to realise this was the fact that his brain would have automatically repressed how he felt, causing him to go into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state and his conscious mind would have gradually forgotten all about what took place.

Out of site

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life but how he felt all those years ago will continue to be held inside his brain and body. This pain will play a big part in why he continually re-experiences the scenarios and feelings of the past.

To let this pain go, it will be necessary for him to connect to and then feel the feelings that he was unable to experience and integrate all those years ago. Working through this pain will take courage and patience and persistence.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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