After a woman comes to see that she has ended up with a man who is overly preoccupied with his mother and is neglecting his own needs, it is to be expected that she would want him to change. Not only will the above be taking place but she will also be being neglected.

Consequently, she will be in a relationship but it won’t be much of a relationship as her partner won’t really be available. So, she can do just about everything that she can to get the man to change.

The First Step

Before she says anything to him, though, she could reflect on what is going on and speak to at least one person in her life. By doing this, it can give her to chance to formulate a plan of action.

Once she has done this, she could end up talking about how she is feeling and say that she would like to spend more time with him. She could even go one step further and say that she thinks he is spending too much time doing things for his mother.

Two Outcomes

After hearing this, the man could dismiss and deny what she says and make out that she is the one with the issues. Should this take place, it can show that he is not ready to face reality.

Alternatively, the man could listen to what she has to say and ends up agreeing with her. Thanks to this, he may be only too happy to do what he needs to do to gradually change his behaviour.

The Ideal

This will be the best thing that can take place as it will mean that he is not in denial and is willing to play his part. With his partners support and encouragement, there is no reason why he won’t be able to move forward.

Still, this doesn’t mean that this is something that will take place overnight, as it could take quite some time. Therefore, it won’t just be a case of him having a few therapy sessions and then he’s done.

Two Parts

Yet, with the woman’s commitment to the man and the man’s commitment to the woman and his own healing, they will both be able to achieve their desired outcome. There could come a point in time when they will look back on this stage of their life and see how far they have come.

The woman will know that she made the right decision and the man will know that his partner had his best interest at heart and that he also made the right decision. Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that the man will be fully healed and won’t ever struggle with anything.

Another Reality

If, on the other hand, the man does dismiss and deny what she says, it is not going to be possible for progress to be made. A little while later she could mention this again, only for the same thing to happen.

Conversely, she could find that he does accept what she says but that’s as far as it goes. She can then have endless conversions about what is going on but he won’t end up taking the next step and doing something about it.

One Focus

Due to this, a lot of her time and energy will be directed towards the man but she will have very little to show for it. She can find that if she is not saying something to him about his behaviour, she can be thinking about what she wants to say to him about it.

By being this way, she may fund that her own life starts to suffer and that she has very little energy or enthusiasm. Her partner’s energy is primarily going to be going towards his mother and her energy is primarily going to be directed towards her partner.

Stepping Back

At this point, it will be essential for her to take a step back and reflect on her behaviour. If she was to do this, she may see that she is doing far too much for her partner and is behaving more like his parent than his partner.

What this is likely to illustrate is that as destructive as her behaviour is, it is allowing her to avoid parts of herself that are painful. If she was to stop behaving in this way, then, she could find that she comes into contact with emotional wounds that relate to feeling rejected, unloved, worthless and abandoned.

Replaying The Past

If she was to think about her early years, she may find that she often felt this way throughout this stage of her life. This will show that she didn’t receive the level of care that she needed and that her parent/parents were distant.

Yet, although this would have harmed her, it would have also ended up being what felt comfortable. This would have played a part in why she has ended up with a man who can’t truly be there for her.

Facing the Pain

In order for her to change her reality, it will be essential for her to face her emotional wounds and work through them. By doing this, she will no longer feel comfortable with a man who is like this and will truly want to be with a man who is available.

In other words, both her conscious and her unconscious mind will want the same thing, which will allow her to have it. This shows how important it is for her to have this other part of her being on board with what she wants.


If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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