Feel Unable To Have Healthy Relationships? Afraid To Go “Crash and Burn” Yet Again?

Do happy, sexy, healthy relationships elude you? May be there is something unconsciously encrypted into you that makes you destined for a failure? Consider unplugging yourself from social programming! Social programming is a kind of invisible web surrounding you from the very first moment you are born. It serves many noble purposes and allows us to live secure and comfortable lives as we do now. Nevertheless, its role conce ing healthy relationships, dating, and sexuality is rather negative and oppressive to say the least. When it comes to love and sexual relationships society prescribes certain rules and expectations. Those rules are quite rigid and do not make things easier for both sexes.

• Rules prescribe exactly how each person should behave in each case. For example approaching stranger in public is universally strongly discouraged. Meeting should take place in specifically designated areas such as clubs and bars.
• Rules also dictate how many weeks/months you should see each other before your relationship could be called “serious.”
• Rules dictate how often you can see each other at every stage of your relationship.
Can any really healthy relationship develop and grow under such pressure?
• Rules tell exactly how a “slut” behaves and what a “good” girl is.
• Rules prescribe very clearly what kind of sexual behavior is "normal" and which behaviors have to be seen as "weird" or "strange" (ex. BDSM, fetish or swinging).
• Rules also tell how you should express your feeling for each other and what behavior is most appropriate for each stage of any give "healthy relationship".

All that would still be ok but in addition to all those less important rules there is a fundamental one:

• Society teaches us that relationship only happens between two people. Sex, emotional connection, bonding, and all other beautiful things that belong to love and romance may take place only between two people at any given moment.

In spite of the overwhelming evidence in the world around us that this fundamental principle of monogamy is not working – society keeps reinforcing this doctrine with all available media communication channels. Movies, magazines, books, news stories all tell us the same story. They tell us that there will be one person with whom you will want to spend all your time for coming 50 years. In addition, that person is going to be excellent lover, good father, understanding friend, in many cases also a social circle replacement, good communicator, wise teacher if necessary, plus a solid financial institution and a psychologist. Since this picture of the one is installed from the very early age and almost no one thinks it through – that’s why so many relationships and marriages break. Society tells you that all your needs: emotional, sexual, spiritual will be met with just one person within monogamous relationship. How unreal is this statement? It is so unreal that 5 out of 7 marriages are falling apart officially and out of those left 65% are having infidelity issues. People become “serial monogamous”. That means to satisfy society standards they officially leave one relationship to begin another. To be happy and have healthy relationships you have to let go of what you think you are supposed to believe and decide for yourself what constitutes for you an ideal relationship. Some of your emotional needs and desires cannot be met within traditional marriage or partnership and it’s perfectly ok. Allow you and your partner to be flexible and base your model on happiness and fulfillment and not on fear and scarcity. Most probably sooner or later, you will come to the model where you have more than one partner. And so will do your partner if s(he) so wishes. Be honest with each other; realize what jealousy is – just a useless emotion. Modern society reinforces and encourages jealousy and competitiveness. Thus it promotes scarcity mentality, the mentality of “there is not enough in this world” and “others are going to get you.” In fact if you really love your partner then you also are committed to his or her growth. Thus, everything that enriches your partner’s life should please you. Love, honesty, open communication, and trust are four basic elements of your happiness in any relationship. Scared? If someone screws up your trust and honesty – it only tells everything about her. You can continue on your path and find someone who is worthy of being with you. If s(he) lives up to your trust and expectations then - congratulations! – you found a friend and ally for life, who knows….