In my 10,000+ hours of listening to women who are dating at 40 or older, I hear they want men to fall for them before they take the time to find out if the guy is worthy of their affections. As a Heart Protector of Women let’s explore the dangers of dating desperately rather than with confidence and clarity.

Patterns get established early in the female mind believing Prince Charming will appear, fall in love with her and live happily ever after. This romantic fantasy has been woven into the soul for decades and she neglects to evaluate whether or not the Prince is simply trying to charm the pants off of her or whether he is really a Prince at all. He could be a reptile changing with the whims of his own desires.

When a woman dates she is better off moving gradually to engage her mind over her heart . It’s okay to go slow. It’s healthier if you do. Keep in mind you don’t even know this guy! The happily ever after fairy tale is not a normal course of events that is to actually take place in reality. Dating is your time to analyze what he is all about. It is not a time to paint a picture of who you want him to be and then try to make him be that person!

Planning a future with someone you do not know is dangerous. Women get in trouble by investing time emotionally through their thought life. Because they long for true love they tend to read things into conversations that may not be there at all. Dating is a time to be watchful and a time to protect yourself. Don’t give too much too soon. When you do, you appear to be desperate and the good man will walk away. To avoid such heartache consider these keys:

1. Recognize your own attributes. Learn to love the qualities you hold and continue to enhance those features. Learn to delight in the beauty you possess.

2. Avoid digging up the dirt. Don’t fall prey to patterns of digging up past pain. Complaining never makes you look good. Positive attitudes are contagious and leave observers wanting to come back for more.

3. Stay Steady. Women can battle emotions to varying degrees at different stages of life. I’ve heard exercise coupled with avoidance of lethal levels of caffeine aid them in staying calm. Getting emotional on a date is always a recipe for disaster.

4. Avoid sex until you know where it’s going. Is it a one night stand and if it is, are you okay with that? Are you both in agreement that neither will date others? Sex in itself is not bad, but jumping in with unrealistic expectations is a formula for heartbreak. Know what you’re getting into.

5. Enjoy your life. Don’t wait for the invitation for the weekend. Keep your social life active without him.

Guys never fantasize about Clingy Clara or Desperate Dana. They want a woman who is confident, appreciative, sexy and fun to be with in any situation. Embrace who you are, and choose to enjoy the dating experience without trying to seal the deal too soon.

Author's Bio: 

Jonathon Aslay
Dating and Relationship Coach Expert
Jonathon Aslay is a Dating and Relationship Coach who is a Heart Protector for Women and a Guy Spy into the male mind.
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