There is something almost everyone gets wrong about attraction.

Most people think they have to chase beauty or status to be accepted by others. They are convinced they are not enough and need those things to actually being considered attractive.

And that explains the increasing popularity of cosmetic surgery for example.

The reality is, attraction has usually more to do with personality traits than appearance.

As Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. explains in an article published in Psychology Today, psychological traits are more motivating than physical traits for longer-term and emotionally intimate connections.

What follows are five qualities that can make you highly attractive to others.

1. Having Control Over Your Emotions

Let’s be honest. It’s not easy to always have control over your emotions. And people who do are extremely attractive. Think about Denzel Washington in The Equalizer, he never loses his temper. And that makes him particularly interesting.

As explained in an interesting article published in Psychology Today, to have control over your emotions — so that your emotions don’t control you — you need to follow three steps. You have to label your emotions, reframe your thoughts (so that your emotions don’t affect how you perceive reality) and then engage in a mood booster — for example, going for a walk, calling a good friend or meditating.

Also, whenever someone pushes your buttons, avoid to react immediately. Allow yourself to think about what you’re going to say or do next, and, if you can, wait at least a few hours before talking to the other person or doing something. Take your time to cool down and reorganize your thoughts.

2. Laughing at Yourself

It’s not what happens to us that makes us feel stressed. It’s how we react to it that affects us. Every time you laugh at yourself, you decide to minimize something that could affect you negatively. You decide to not give importance to something not worth your energy.

For example, a few days ago a friend of mine fell in front of a group of people. We were in the park walking her dog. She could have felt embarrassed, and she could have focused on what others were thinking about her. Instead she decided to laugh at it — and at herself.

She couldn’t care less of what others were thinking. After one minute a nice guy approached her and asked her if she was fine. They went on their first date yesterday.
Laughing at yourself is an attractive quality, as it means you don’t take yourself too seriously.

3. You Are in Love with Your Life and Don’t Need Anyone to “Complete” You

Let’s be honest, people who love their life, who have hobbies, and most importantly that have a purpose in life are particularly attractive. For example, my friend Sarah is a singer, she loves to compose her own songs and signs in two bands. She also volunteers, plays basketball and teaches Pilates.

She loves everything she does, and every man she dates is crazy for her. Men find her unique. This is not only because she has many hobbies, but it’s also due to the fact she is in love with her life and is emotionally independent.

She is not the kind of woman who needs someone to complete her, because she already feels whole.
She is passionate about her life, and this is why men usually describe her as magnetic.

4. You Are Warm

I don’t know about you, but I find warmth one of the most attractive qualities in people. When you emanate warmth, people see you as empathetic, respectful and friendly. Also, they see you as someone approachable. This is why this quality is essential to connect with others and build meaningful relationships.
A warm person is someone who after you had a long, tough day, hugs you, kisses you and asks you if you want to talk about it.
Also, a warm person is someone who when you’re out for dinner smiles to the staff and treats everyone with respect. They always treat others as they want to be treated.

5. You Give Plenty of Space

They say the secret to long-lasting relationships is space, because time apart helps each partner recharge and bring positive energy into the relationship.

According to an article published on Thought Catalog, needy, clingy, controlling people are unattractive. They have the ability to make you run for the hills. Because they don’t let you breathe, and you feel responsible for their happiness, which is overwhelming for anyone.

Instead, independent people who let you have your space when you need it are extremely attractive.
You feel they don’t need you, so you are not afraid of getting closer to them.
We should get rid of the idea we should chase beauty and status to be attractive.

The whole point of attraction is about how we make others feel, and how emotionally independent we are.

For more information about relationships and how to be attractive, visit: The Truly Charming

Author's Bio: 

Sira is a social skills and relationship coach and she is the founder of The Truly Charming.