Five Ways to Increase Intimacy in Your Mid-Life Relationship

While many think of sexual relationships when they hear the word “intimate,” the true meaning of the word is much broader than that. To be intimate, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, pertains to one’s deepest nature. For most women, and a significant segment of men, the best sexual intimacy is that which follows from a deep emotional intimacy with another person.

Both of these types of intimacy can be lacking in a mid-life relationship. After a long time of being together, couples may feel that they know all they need to know about each other. They may have settled into a routine. Or, sadly, addictions to substances, work or the Internet may be interfering with the couple’s ability to have an intimate relationship.

For those in a long term relationship, or even a fairly new relationship, it is worth while to make some efforts to bring intimacy back into the relationship, particularly if the couple is committed to being in the relationship. If this applies to you, here are five techniques you can use to jump-start the intimacy in your own relationship.

1. Take some time and write down all the things you like about your partner. Start looking for these things in your relationship. When they happen, compliment your partner. Consider leaving notes commenting on what you like about your partner where he or she can find them.

2. Declare a no-television/no-computer night. Find something else to do with or near your partner. Even if you are both sitting on the couch reading a book, there is more chance for conversation to occur than if you are sitting in front of the television. Better yet, take a walk. Exercise is good for your heart in so many ways!

3. Take a risk. Disclose a feeling to your partner, but prep them first. Ask them to be open to listening to your feelings without saying anything or trying to fix you. Start with something small. Get their full attention and have them face you. Ask your partner to hold your hand. Let him or her know that this is a scary step for you. Then say what you have to say.

4. Acknowledge your partner. Sit face to face with your partner. Hold their hands. Spend one minute telling them everything that’s good about them. Have a box of tissues near by – this is a very powerful exercise.

5. Do something out of the ordinary with or for your partner. If you don’t bring flowers, try a bouquet. Invite his mother to a dinner where you cook the meal, serve it and then leave them to have the time to themselves. If she has a craft that she does, observe what she needs and bring it to her. Or plan a night away at a nearby motel. Who knows what will develop?

Intimacy is the greatest gift that you can give your partner, and yourself. This is particularly true as we grow older and become more introspective and aware of life’s brevity. Love is a profound emotion that can give our spirit lightness and freedom. It becomes greater when you can share it with another human being.