Four Signposts to a Woman's Heart

So you have your eyes set on a lady, but you’re not sure how you can keep her sights on you. Well, fret not. The way to a woman’s affection is littered with clear cut signs that tell you exactly how to stay on course. Here are four types of road marks and some examples of each to particularly watch out for before revving up your engine and stepping on the gas: REGULATORY SIGNS are those that must be observed or obeyed at all times. They either permit or prohibit. For instance, KEEP TO THE RIGHT especially during times when she’s obviously looking for some sympathy or when she feels aggrieved. Don’t play the devil’s advocate—that is an extremely bad idea. Instead, agree to everything she says (even when the premise doesn’t make any sense), or keep your mouth shut and just listen. Later, when she’s calmer and can carry on a sensible conversation, gently offer your views and advice on the matter. This way, you reduce the risk of backlash and increase your mileage. DO NOT ENTER unfamiliar female territory without invitation. A woman’s domain is exclusively her own unless she gives you permission to come in. Her time spent with girlfriends is sacred, and you have no right to criticize or even appraise the situation. You’re better off looking for ways to endear yourself to her friends; she consults them regularly and their opinions matter. STOP dressing like you couldn’t care less, and start looking stylish. Don’t embarrass the bejeebers out of her by dressing like a punk, a hobo, or a circus clown. And remember to wear deodorant and brush your teeth; good hygiene is always a plus in romance. WARNING signs caution you against hazards—heed them immediately. There comes a time each month when a woman is especially prone to fits and unexplained mood swings. This is a SHARP BEND that you must pass with extreme caution. WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS and AVOID COLLISION are apt reminders during these sensitive times. Be smart and SLOW DOWN. TEMPORARY CONDITION SIGNS alert you to peculiar situations that happen without ample warning. Say, she’s had a bad day at the office and is unresponsive to your attempts to console her. This is ROAD WORK and you must make a DETOUR, preferably to the nearest shopping mall or florist, if you want to get past the obstruction. Follow the DETOUR MARKERS—read her body language—to know if it’s all right to return to the regular route. DIRECTION AND INFORMATION SIGNS are especially useful for navigation. Be aware, for example, that a when a woman says “nothing” it actually means something, so proceed with utmost vigilance. You should be particularly suspicious of the word “fine”, as it could mean exactly the opposite of its conventional definition. And while you’re at it, work on expanding your vocabulary so that when she asks you how she looks like—and she often will--you can answer with more sophistication than “ok”. “Ok” is not enough. It is a two-letter word that can start a lengthy--and possibly melodramatic--argument about your lack of appreciation for her looks and the person that she is. nn You want to avoid that at all cost. After all, she does spend hours to look sensational for you. The least you can do is compliment her appropriately and not allow her mascara to run. The roadmap to a woman’s heart is certainly full of twists and turns, but with the proper navigational tools and acute awareness of signposts, you should be able to cruise to your destination without any hitches. Happy driving!