Freak in the Cafe

As I sit here in this cafe people pass by sit, converse and leave. I hear snippets of conversation - sales pitches, friends talking, students studying. Today I'm noticing the common thread is struggle. It appears to be where people are most comfortable, able to connect over the thread of discontent running through their lives.

I'm sitting alone by the fireplace sipping my coffee and writing for my blog. This is very enjoyable for me, as I write I can see my community connecting with what I'm writing and it makes me smile. People walk past and look at me, some smile, some hurry past as if I am a bit crazy, one woman stops and openly stares but when I say hello she stammers "I thought you were someone else," and rushes away.

Two women take up a booth across from me; they keep glancing my way somewhat suspiciously - I smile and nod, they glance away. I hear one say "I'm struggling all the time," and the other replies "We're all struggling." She glances my way and adds with irritation in her voice "not her apparently."

I put down my writing, allowing this to sink in. Have I done something to offend them, something wrong?

Almost as if in answer to my thought the student behind me whispers (presumably into her phone) "There's a lady here writing with a big smile on her face. I'm so curious about what she's writing."

I chuckle and go back to my writing, this piece specifically; it never occurred to me that the unfettered visual expression of joy would cause this reaction. I wonder what this says about the society we live in; if this joy is looked at as a complete break from the norm, a freakish phenomenon and then on to ponder why I immediately jumped to think I had done something wrong. This is definitely something to explore.

As I ponder the energetics of this, it is apparent that I was very much attracting attention, people unconsciously drawn to look or stare and having a reaction to me. This is unusual in that most often someone sits with me (a stranger). Even in an empty cafe, I almost always have a table mate and people then talk to me telling me all sorts of things. Mostly I enjoy this.

Today was very different, as if I had turned up the voltage and people were drawn yet didn't know what to do. It was different that I was writing, a very joyful experience for me rather than doing admin work (not so joyful) and that I have been actively observing the energetic interactions in the physical realm, as I write for my Human Energy program. I do know that it provides me with plenty of food for thought and fodder for my book. What are your thoughts, are we so tuned in to 'struggle' that joy is abnormal?

Ever have a similar experience as the observer or the ‘freak’?