Get Rid of Bad Habits

Don’t make the bully happyrnDon’t be scared of pain Children are often scared of life-saving injections, gym exercise to build their muscles, and confronting the dentist. Speaking about bullying is very painful. You can tell your kid that they can feel embarrassed, shy or paralyzed with fear. Many children say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’. They turn their head away or lower their eyes, expecting the subject to close. Unfortunately, if you don’t talk about it, the bully knows that you are publicity-shy. The bullying will get worse and you will suffer more.rnDon’t be a belly-button watcher (‘BBW’ for short) Some children are very anxious about how they appear to others. They become totally absorbed in their own thoughts and feelings. I call this ‘belly-button watching’. They forget to show interest, care and empathy in their classmates. Tell your child to be aware that you create real problems when kids try to be friendly with you and you reject their invitations to play. They may retaliate by teasing or excluding you. Besides, if you want to know how to make friends or block bullies, you need to adjust your behavior according to the feedback you receive from other children. You can’t do this if you are belly-button watching. Don’t focus on yourself all the time; show interest and empathy in other children. Use their feedback to guide what you do next.rnDon’t show your fear or anger, or do nothing I often ask children, ‘Why do bullies bully? What do they want kids to do?’ They say things like, ‘They want you to get upset, cry or fight back.’ I summarize the essential feelings a bully looks for: ‘So a bully wants a kid to get angry, scared or do nothing?’ Then I say, ‘What do you do – say mean things back, run away, and do nothing?’ They tell me what they do. I summarize and boomerang their words back, e.g., ‘So you get angry and upset, which makes the bully happy?’ Then I pause…and say, ‘And why would you want to make the bully happy?’ Their eyes do an odd wobble; they look flabbergasted and reply, ‘I don’t know, I didn’t realize.’ This is the beginning of power! Tell your child that their anger and fear can make them an easy target and can give the bully power to continue. He doesn’t need another target, unless they change or leave. Tell them not to show pain for the bully’s gain. rnBy: Francis David