Getting Past Jealousy

Jealousy is simply insecurity in hyperdrive. Feeling jealous means that we have weighed and measured ourself and found ourself wanting. We compare ourself to someone or something else and feel that we are coming up short.

With everything that we feel, do or say, we are trying to get our needs met. Even our jealousy is an attempt to get our needs met. Consider what your payoff is for feeling jealous?Are you using your jealousy as a way to beat yourself up? To prove to yourself that somehow you are not good enough? What do you get from creating drama in your life? Be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Am I sabotaging my relationship because it was getting too close?
Did I attract this situation to prove that I am not or never will be number 1?
Who in my past made me feel like I was not a priority or that I was not important?
Do I secretly love the chaos and drama?
Am I trying to prove that others do not care about me?
Do I feel undeserving of the love I am receiving?
Do I think that all good things have to end?
Do I believe that people I love will leave or abandon me?
Am I creating a mess as an excuse to get rid of my partner?
Do I feel guilty for some reason and want to punish myself?
Do I use jealousy as a way of justifying my feelings of being attracted to someone else?

Since jealousy is something that is created in our mind, we cannot blame our partner for our feelings of jealousy. Jealousy is related to our feelings about ourself. Generally when we are feeling jealous it is because we feel inadequate in some way.

The way to get past jealousy is to build your confidence and increase your opinion of yourself. Some may ask how can I build my confidence when my partner is flirting with others. First of all you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Is there good reason for you to be jealous or not? If the answer is yes, you may need to respect yourself enough to not put up with bad behavior and to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. If the answer is no, and the problem is not bad behavior from your partner, but your own hypervigilence, then you need to self sooth and work on recognizing the source of your jealousy. Sometimes your past may be the source of your jealousy today. When there is favouritism in families children can end up feeling resentful and jealous, very often these feelings are carried into adult relationships and people find ways to recreate the drama from their childhood in their present relationship. Or it may be that an ex-lover has betrayed you and your present partner is paying the price for that betrayal.

To get past jealousy:

Heal past hurts that contribute to feeling not good enough
Accept yourself
Strengthen your self-esteem
Set healthy boundaries in your relationships
Do not accept bad behavior from your partner or yourself
Create peace rather than drama in your relationship
Know within yourself that if your partner chooses someone else, that will be his/her loss
Know that you can be happy in a relationship or alone

The better you feel about yourself the less you will feel jealous. You may choose to not be with someone if their behavior is out of line rather than choosing to stew in jealous feelings. You will definitely choose to discuss and set boundaries and you will be open and honest with each other. Unnecessary drama with be at a minimum.