If you are single and on the dating scene wishing to find a partner with whom to develop a successful relationship, you have probably listened to and practiced many dating-tips you read in advice columns, found on the internet and received from friends, such as:

* Write the perfect profile
* Enrol on several internet sites
* Develop communication skills
* Learn how to listen
* Make a list of what you are looking for in a partner
* Go on as many dates as you can
*Don’t try to show the best “you” on first date

If, in spite of following these tips – as well as many others – and in spite of having many dates behind you, and in spite of changing your profile more than once, you haven’t yet been successful in developing a satisfying relationship, what does it mean? Is there any tip you haven’t yet heard of and practiced? Is there anything you don’t you do that could have led you to develop the successful intimacy you so much desire?


In all likelihood, what these tips didn’t help you with is getting to know yourself better.

They have all tried to teach you things: how to communicate, how to listen, how to post a profile. But none has helped you take a closer look at yourself: at your attitudes, fears, needs, expectations and fantasies, all of which play an important role in shaping your reactions and behaviors in relationship. These tips didn’t help you look inwards, observe yourself, understand how all of these affect the ways in which you sabotage yourself and harm your relationships.

And until you do just that – look inwards and observe yourself - you will probably continue to fail in your attempts to develop a successful relationship for the simple reason that you don’t know what you do wrong and what you need to change in order to succeed.


It is only when you develop Self-Awareness and understand how you shoot yourself in the foot that you become able to understand what steps you need to take in order to change.

Developing Self-Awareness means: you take your time to understand things about yourself you haven’t before; to recognize your denials and projections; to understand how your perception of reality drives you to behave the way you do; to get in touch with the masks that you wear which hinder you from developing a successful relationship, all of which are related to and affect your attitudes, fears and needs, unrealistic expectations and fantasies.

As you develop Self-Awareness and get to understand yourself better you can then realize the ways in which you have hurt yourself until now. You can then get up the courage to be true to yourself and authentic with others; to be selective about the people you date; to change whatever needs change in your attitudes, reactions and behaviors and become empowered to find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimacy.

Author's Bio: 

Doron Gil, Ph.D., a Self-Awareness and Relationships Expert, has 30 year experiences as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant is a. He has written numerous articles on the subject (http://bit.ly/om4y1k) and is the author of ““The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationshiphttp://amzn.to/eAmMmH