Cool Passion
There is a case for arranged marriages says Rehana Matri. “Arranged marriages, even if the couples get engaged and get to know each other, are not marriages of the heart but of the brain. And so they are missing that fire that love marriages bring with them from day one. Some fires that were really huge burn out very quickly after marriage. Arranged marriages often remain cool and without passion, but remain in good working order and without complication,” believes German-born Rehana Matri.

Rehana is talking about arranged marriages between Muslims and adds: “What people forget is that it is God who fills the hearts of married couples with love for each other. If you have got God in your heart, hearts catch fire.”

Marital Fate
Rehana considers the failure rate: “Most love marriages burn out sooner or later and yes, marriages that are of the brain fail too if one of the two cannot live without fire.” Rehana is convinced that the only marriages that last forever are between hearts that burn with the love for God.

Fizzling Out
Susan McKenzie: It is sad that the majority of love marriages fizzle out even if the people do not divorce. Arranged marriages I am sure have their hits and misses too, but I feel that we should not compare the two as if one is superior or inferior or better or worse. Perhaps this is a case of comparing apples and oranges. Each have their unique aspects and it is pointless to try to evaluate which is the best form of marriage.

I feel arranged marriages give more protection because in love marriages in the West you start a relationship and then one person leaves the other, and you have given yourself to that person and then it goes on and on. To me it is not about love but protection of both the man and the woman that they might actually get a pure person or as near as possible to purity that is possible for a human being to achieve. Even if this not so true in the modern world but because the arranged marriage is still around usually Muslims have had less sexual partners and that is good for both their moral wellbeing and the physical wellbeing. In my country England, people think there is something wrong with you if you say you are a virgin. I have actually been told I am stupid if I wait until marriage and I think hardly any man would be prepared to wait until marriage. There are actually people who believe it is stupid not to have sex before marriage – these are the consequences of having a society that only has so-called love marriages. No form of marriage works perfectly but once you have a society that only has love marriages then the next stage kicks in - you must have sex before marriage and if you don't find the right one that in effect means more than one sexual partner.

Rehana Matri: Islamic marriages are marriages for the sake of God. You marry someone because you want to have a family and that is a service to God. When you marry someone who is not a believer that love in the heart for God which binds hearts together, and causes the flame of love to remain, does not burn and love will burn out after a while between such people. So Islamic marriages are marriages you do with your brain because in your heart there should not be anyone but God. When God is in the hearts of two people love is kindled in their hearts by the grace of God. Sex before marriage does not arise when you have got God in your heart. Human love burns out after a few years unless it is sustained by the love of God.

About Rehana Matri
German-born Rehana Matri is a mother, a grandmother, an artist and an interior designer. Raised in a liberal Christian family, after Rehana studied comparative religion, she embraced Islam.

Author's Bio: 

I am an English specialist with I CAN READ. I have worked for major British institutions: British Council, British High Commission, British Railways Board and Linguaphone. I am a London-trained lawyer and have been the public affairs officer at the British High Commission, Singapore, as well as an editor in an international book publishing house and a national magazine. I am also co-author of two law books: English Legal System and Company Law, published by Blackstone, Oxford University Press. I am an Ambassador of Peace (Universal Peace Federation and Interreligious and International Federation for World Peace). Connect: Email!/abetoday