There are very few things in life that make you feel worse than a bad breakup. Other than the death of someone close to you, no other life event can shake your confidence, your faith in the future, and your sense of self. A serious relationship is a partnership. Once you’ve been in it for a while, you begin to build your whole life as a collaborative project with your partner. When it ends - even if ending it is the right thing to do - that life is over. Now you’re looking for a new way of living, and it isn’t always easy to know what to do next.
Eventually, almost everyone will decide to go dating again and try to meet somebody new. That’s a daunting experience in itself. Once you’ve completely given yourself to somebody else and been hurt, it’s
natural to feel reluctant to go through the process again. Your trust in other people will be low, and your barriers will be up. You’ll tell yourself that if you don’t emotionally invest in anybody else, you can’t be hurt. That might be true, but you also miss out on all the love, warmth, and companionship that comes along with finding somebody to share your life with.
Very few of us want to go through life alone, so at some point, you'll have to bite the bullet and get back out into the world of dating. We've put a few thoughts together for you to help guide you on the way.
Leave It At Least A Month
Rebound relationships are bad. They might seem like a good idea at the time, but they can actually
be psychologically damaging. You haven't given yourself enough time to heal from the relationship that just ended or to reflect on the lessons you've learned from it. Worse still, if you're still angry at your ex-partner, you haven't completely moved on from them. That's not fair to the person you become involved with on the rebound, who might be investing in you in a way that you're not emotionally ready to reciprocate. Rebound relationships can be very intense, but they're also frequently short-lived, and end badly. When they do, you can end up in a worse position than you were in the first place. Most relationship experts suggest you should wait at least a month before you start looking for your next partner.
Let It Happen Naturally
You shouldn’t dive headlong into dating apps unless you’ve used them before. Like a rebound relationship, they may do you more harm than good. Dating apps have a lot in common with mobile slots. People just swipe on them again and again until they find a match, which feels like getting a
mobile slots win. That little feeling of victory is a good short-term ego boost, but people are not mobile slots, and dating shouldn’t be a numbers game. It’s not just that, either - a lot of people who use dating apps are just looking for one-night or short-term arrangements. It can be demoralizing to arrange a date, see someone once, and then never see them again. Focus on going out and seeing your friends more, and try to meet new people in your day to day life before you go looking for them online.
Be Yourself
You may have read opinion articles elsewhere that suggest that being yourself is just about the
worst thing you could do on a first date. We couldn't possibly disagree more with that assessment. If you go out playing another role, you're inviting whoever you're on a date with to fall in love with the role you're playing. You can't keep the act up forever, and so it will lead to problems further down the line. This is all about self-confidence. Many people who've come out of a bad relationship have negative ideas about their appearance, their personality, or their self-worth. You shouldn't try to change any of those things dramatically. You were yourself when your ex fell in love with you, and you're still yourself now. Don't lie, exaggerate, or misrepresent yourself. If someone can't love you for who you are at heart, then they're not worthy of your time.
Work Out What Went Wrong
In the cold light of day, when your emotions have had the chance to settle, it's time to work out exactly why your last relationship went wrong. Were there warning signs that you could have paid attention to earlier on? Were any of those relationship signs there right from the start? Perhaps some of the issues in your previous relationship came from your ex-partner's job, or family environment, or another aspect of their life? If so, you can use this information to build a profile for who you do and don't want to date. If there are certain characteristics that a person might have, which you know aren't compatible with you or your own life, avoid them. Don't make any exceptions. If you know something isn't going to work, stay away from it.
Be Positive
This is the easiest piece of advice to give, but the hardest one to follow. Many of us feel bitter and angry in the aftermath of a bad breakup, and it clouds the way we think of other people. We either think that there's nobody out there for us, or that every potential partner is just like the person we've just been with. That isn't the case, and if you're still thinking like that, then you're not ready to go
dating. Take solace from the relationships around you. See how happy your friends are in their own relationships, and remind yourself that they were single and doubtful once, too. Just because your last relationship was bad doesn't mean your next one will be - in fact, your next one might be the right one! Every failed relationship is one step closer to the relationship that you'll keep for the rest of your life. Develop an open mind and keep it.
Above all other things, only do what's right for you. Take longer than a month if you need it. Stay casual if that makes you feel more comfortable. If you're fresh from a breakup, then you have complete freedom to do what you like, and it may be the first time you've had that freedom for years. Take advantage of it, use it wisely, and only give it up for someone you're sure of.