About five years ago I tried to dance with the Grim Reaper. Luckily for me, that day, his dance card was full. During the recovery phase from my suicide attempt, I looked everywhere for books that would help give me perspective and hope. I found few that had any lightness or humor. So I decided to write my own.
It's called "Lipstick and Thongs in the Loony Bin" and it can be found here:
http://www.loonybus.com.
So fast forward four years as I reflect on this past year or so, and looking back--I realize that many of the stars I wished on as a kid came true. The falling ones, the shooting ones, the twinkling ones and the clusters, constellations and galaxies in all their winking glory. Also known as 'home' to those of us who sometimes feel as if these meat suits (bodies) and earth (spinning greenblue marble) is one of those "just visiting, thanks" travel destinations.
As a youngster I wished on all of the Jiminy Cricket stars and here's the checklist so far:
Grow up. check. (well---ok...sorta)nWrite stories. check.nHave adventures. check.nLive abroad. check. nFall in love. check.nBe happy. check (most of the time)
So as adults, how do we redefine our dreams once they've more or less come true? Sure, we get newer, bigger, shinier dreams, or, in some sadder cases we just stop dreaming and wishing on stars altogether. That...I can say with relative confidence will never be me. I will be 97, creaky-boned with white hair and my skin hanging to my knees and still see the wonders in the celestial offerings above.
OK, if truth be told...not all of my earlier dreams have come true, yet, but to be honest? That's a little bit of a relief because I have a long road ahead and I'd hate to feel (as I did four years ago when I tried to go 'home' in my parents' garage with the engine running) that I was 'done'.
Because I?...am FAR from DONE.
My dreams and wishes and visions and passions are enough to put any nightsky to shame. My ideas and worries and joys and laughs and tears and boundless curiosity is/are infinite.
It's not my time to retire from planet earth just yet. There's still work to be done. Now I go to high schools, colleges and treatment centers and give talks, seminars and multimedia presentations about how to go from Rock Bottom to Rock ON! How to live your passions, challenge your fears and breathe in each moment one blissful bit at a time and with plenty of laughs along the journey.
We're all here until the last word on the last page of our individual stories...so we might as well enjoy the ride. GiddYUP!
And a la Dave Letterman's irreverent humor here are the top ten reasons to procrastinate killing yourself---forever:
Top 10 reasons to Procrastinate Killing Yourself (Forever)
10. Tomorrow isn't going anywhere and it usually is at least marginally better than today was. And if it isn't THEN you can drink the rat poison/bleach martini. But keep in mind that there's always a better tomorrow somewhere. Just ask Donald Trump or Paris Hilton.
9. If you can possibly put it off, you can save yourself a whole lot of mess, aggravation and trauma…so sleep on it. Tomorrow can't be worse than yesterday or today…or maybe it can…why not make each day a challenge?
8. Laziness. Really---why go to all the effort? Just take a nap instead.
7. Insomnia got you down? Perfect---all the more time to catch up on all of those really bad reruns of TV shows from the 80s and 90s. The hair and clothes alone will cheer you up and put life into perspective. If shoulder pads and sequins and lots of hairspray don't help you see life's ultimate and mysterious beauty then go to the 24-hour drive thru at the pharmacy and scream "I'M OUTTA MY MEDS!!!!!" and let the mayhem and shenanigans begin!
6. Racing thoughts? Ok---set up a racetrack in your head and see which thought wins first. If it is of the “I am a loser and I really want to die” variety, reward yourself with a cookie instead of a date with the Grim Reaper. I hear he's a really bad tipper with horrific BO anyway. And who doesn't love a delicious cookie, really?
5. You're having the worst day, month, year, decade of your life. Congratulations! It can only get better…or worse from here. Why not stick around to find out? See yourself as a character in a book or movie that you really want to know what happens to them. Stay until the credits roll.
4. You know that lottery ticket you just bought? They pick the numbers tomorrow. Go to bed, jackass. By this time next week you could be rolling in dough instead of self-pity and misery.
3. You're late for everything in your life anyway…might as well keep Mr. Death waiting. He ain't going anywhere, believe you me. Cuz that guy? Has no life except...well..ya know---death. So if the only things sure in life are death and taxes then approach death like you do your taxes. Wait until the last possible second and then go to the airport FedEx office to mail in your soul. Make sure to use extra postage so you don't get charged the late fees....nothing sucks more than arriving in the afterlife in debt.
2. The religious factor…ok let's for argument sake say all of the doomsday evangelist nuts are right about the whole burning eternally in a lake of fire thing. How much would that totally BLOW? Go rent “Harold and Maude” immediately…it will make you laugh at yourself and at life.
And last but not least top, numero UNO reason to procrastinate killing yourself…Hey---I'll tell you tomorrow. To be continued...
Stay tuned to write/read the next chapter of your life. And then mail me a copy so I can feel better about mine.