Guidelines for Being Better Understood
Written by Tina Tessina - Dr. Romance
1. Seek first to understand. If you know
your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within
it.
2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's
response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what
he/she is hearing....
3. Focus on the solution that would work for everyone, rather
than who's right or wrong. Only focus on the problem long enough
to understand, then switch to what will fix it.
4. Separate emotion from solution. If one or both of you are
upset, irrational or reactive, you aren't communicating. Take
a break and try again in a few minutes, when both of you have
calmed down.
5. Don't beat dead horses. If you've been over the same ground
several times with no forward movement, get some help. An objective
third party can work wonders.
6. Be nice. Strive to create a cooperative atmosphere, and consider
your partners feelings.
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.
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