In general, someone can come across as happy or at the very least, as though everything is fine. Due to this, the people in their life could describe them as a ‘happy person’, and, because of this, they might feel uplifted after they have spent time in their presence.

However, while this is how they might typically come across, it doesn’t mean that this is a reflection of how they truly feel. Still, they might not even be aware of how they truly feel and so if how they come across rarely matches up with what is going on for them, it won’t stand out.

The Norm

It might be hard to understand how they could come across in a way that doesn’t reflect how they feel and not be aware of it. Yet, if they have been this way for a very long time, there will be no reason for it to stand out.

This will just be what is normal; thereby preventing them from being able to see what is actually going on. For them to be able to see clearly, something dramatic might need to take place.

For Example

Considering this, if they were able to see how the face that they show seldom matches up with how they feel, it could show that they have experienced something fairly stressful. Perhaps they have had a breakup or lost their job, for instance.

Due to this, a lot of painful feelings could enter their conscious awareness. As a result of this, it is likely to be a lot harder for them to display a happy face and come across as if everything is fine.

Holding On

Out of their need to come across in the same way though, they could find that they are still unable to be real. Without even trying to hide how they feel, they could keep what is going on for them hidden.

Maintaining this act is going to take a lot of their energy and as they are not in a good way, they are unlikely to have a lot to spare. Right now, they will need to open up about what is going on so that they can receive the support that they need from their friends and family.


As they have the need to behave in the same way, they could wonder why they can’t just open up about how they really feel. Now, if they were to imagine dropping their act and expressing what is going on for them, this could be a time when they experience fear and anxiety.

After this, they could find that they expect to be rejected and abandoned. Naturally, if they feel as though they are going to die if they don’t hide their feelings that reflect the ‘negative’ side of the emotional spectrum and express their need for support; it is not going to be a surprise that they hide certain parts of themselves.

A Strange Scenario

As things stand, then, they are going to believe that they will only be accepted and survive if they play a role and don’t have needs. Being this way is going to stop them from deeply connecting with others and cause them to suffer in silence.

Therefore, the sooner they are able to open up, the less alone they will feel and the sooner their suffering can come to an end. When it comes to why they behave in this way, it could be due to what took place during their formative years.

Back in Time

This may have been a time when they had at least one parent who was unable to truly be there for them and accept them as they were. Consequently, they would have been forced to adapt to their parent’s needs and hide certain parts of themselves in order to be accepted and, perhaps, not isolated.

If they were sad or down and needed love and care, they might have ended up being criticised, ignored and left. On the other hand, if they created the impression that they were fine and didn’t need anything, they might have been fine.

A Natural Consequence

Being treated in this way would have caused them to believe that certain parts of themselves were not acceptable and were something to be ashamed of. Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but they won’t believe that they will be accepted, loved or survive if they express their true self.

For them to know at the core of their being that they can express their true self and be accepted, loved, and survive, they are likely to have emotional wounds to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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