If someone feels happy, they could soon feel uncomfortable and their inner state could change thereafter. This could be something that is the rule as opposed to the exception.

But, if this is something that is normal, it might not be something that stands out. As a result of this, they are going to find it hard to be happy but this won’t be something that they are consciously aware of.

One Step Further

Then again, they might not even allow themselves to be happy for a few seconds or minutes, as they might stop this from taking place. Their resistance to being happy is then going to be extremely strong.

This can mean that they will spend a fair amount of time feeling down and very low. Alternatively, they could spend most of their time in a fairly neutral state, neither being up nor down.

An Odd Scenario

Now, assuming that they are not aware of their resistance to being happy, they could believe that what is going on externally is the issue. So, they could think about a moment when they have been happy and what took place after.

This may have been a time when they ended up hearing about some bad news or something bad happened. After a while or almost straight away, their inner state will have been completely transformed.

A Helpless Place

Just thinking about how many times this has happened could fill them with anger and frustration. There is likely to be the impact that this has had on them being able to enjoy certain moments and on their ability to move forward in life.

Along with the impact it has had on their mood, then, they could find that just when their career is going well, something often happens that undermines all their hard work. Therefore, in this area of their life, it could often have been one step forward and two steps back.

Another Area

They might also see how they have had a number of relationships that started to fall apart just as things were starting to go well. For example, their partner might have cheated, had to move away or go off them.

Taking into account the experiences that they have had, it is not going to be a surprise if they believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back. It will be as if they are being punished for no apparent reason.

Stepping Back

However, even though it may seem as though what is going on externally is the problem, there is a strong chance that there is far more to it. For them to find out why their life is the way that it is there is an exercise that they can do.

They can imagine that they live a life where they are generally happy and are living a fulfilling life. This will be a life where they are able to experience positive feelings and sustain them and are able to make progress.

Two Sides

At first, this can be a time when they will feel incredibly relieved and grateful. Finally, their life will be the way that they have wanted it to be for so long.

Yet, as time passes, they could soon feel anxious and be filled with guilt and shame. It will then be as though they have done something wrong and they are bad and thus, they are not worthy of experiencing life in this way.

Two Levels

If this is the case, they will be able to see that their life is not the way that it is solely because of what is going on ‘externally; it is primarily due to what is going on internally. What will also stand out from this is that there is what is going on for them at a conscious level and what is going on for them at an unconscious level.

By having made the unconscious conscious, they will have been able to attain the self-knowledge that they need. After realising that another part of them is holding them back and creating unnecessary hurdles in their life, they could wonder why they are this way.

Back In Time

For them to understand why they are this way, it will be a good idea for them to explore what took place during their formative years. What they may find is that this was a time when they had a parent who suffered from mood swings.

If they were not up and happy, they might have been down and sad, with there seldom being a middle ground. Most likely, how this parent behaved had nothing to do with them, but, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place.

The outcome

Consequently, they would have come to believe that they were responsible for how this parent felt. Thanks to this, they would have been attuned to their moods and merged with their inner state.

Instead of being in tune with their own needs and feelings and freely expressing themselves, their priority would have been to be there for this parent. They are likely to have tried to make them happy, not expected much from them and learned that it wasn’t safe for them to experience happiness or joy.

A Big Risk

If they didn’t merge with their parent's moods, they might have been ignored and/or rejected and abandoned. And, even though they did lose themselves in their parent’s reality, this might have still taken place.

This was a stage of their life when they were powerless and totally dependent and needed to be loved, so it is to be expected that they would have ignored their needs and feelings in order to survive and to try to receive something that wasn’t available – love.

It’s over

Undoubtedly, they are no longer a child, but, a big part of them is going to be anchored to this stage of their life. To this part of them, pleasing this parent and hiding themselves will be the only way for them to survive.

This parent will also be projected into other people, too, which will cause them to automatically act in the same way around them as they did around their parent as a child. It is for this reason that it won’t matter if this parent is still alive as it is what is going on for them internally that is defining how they behave.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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