The relationship we have with ourselves is singularly the most important relationship in our lives. The minute we are born, we feel an enormous amount of love pouring out of us, and reflecting back to us from our family. Then, as we grow, other people enter our lives. We experience more contrast. We are introduced to a myriad of thoughts and opinions that may or may not resonate with us. This can be confusing, and may contribute to the sense of disconnect we sometimes feel within ourselves.

Adolescence is a formative time in our development. It can be a very exciting and often bewildering time. It is a time of self-absorption, and a time to question everything. We are introduced to many new concepts and ideas about how we are “supposed” to think and behave. This often creates a disconnection with our inner knowing. In other words, sometimes we get stuck in a moment in time. During our adolescence, we create patterns of thoughts and feelings that we may continue to recreate in our adulthood. Some of these patterns may disconnect us from our inner being, inner listening, and inner knowing.

Other people have a point of view about nearly everything we say and everything we do. We often rethink how we feel about ourselves, based on those points of view. We are conditioned from day one to look outside of ourselves. Very rarely do we hear how important it is to redirect our attention inward, back to our natural state of connection. Society trains us away form our natural state of well-being and self-love. However, The Ever-Loving Essence of You is not a commentary about our society. Society provides us with a wonderful opportunity for contrast, and how we choose to assimilate that is up to us.

It is the most amazing thing that we have all of these experiences with society as young children, and then all of these choices about how to integrate them as adults. We can use these experiences as our excuse why we never go on to connect with ourselves, or they can become the very reason for the connection that we create with ourselves.

For example, if your parents divorced, you may be carrying some of the thoughts and feelings from that situation into your adult relationships. You can choose how you use that “devastating” divorce experience. One choice would be to never go on and create a healthy, loving adult relationship. Or you can use that experience as a wonderful opportunity for contrast, and the very reason to go on and create what you feel is the most loving, connected adult relationship for you.

The most important thing to understand is that you have choice: your choice to soar, or your choice to spend the remainder of your life arguing for your limitations.

What exactly does it mean to argue for your limitations? When suggested that we can re-frame our situation and make a shift, our tendency is to argue to remain where we are. This is what we find ourselves doing most often when we do not see an opening or possibility to move forward and thereby embrace a wonderful moment. We have become so invested in telling our story that we create resistance around changing the storyline, or we may simply need permission to change our storyline. It’s all okay. Re-framing is a tool that can be used to look at a given situation and create an opening for a better feeling to move towards.

Self-love is an intrinsic part of our nature. Our connection with our inner being is what gets us back to believing that sense of self-love.

We cannot love ourselves based on other people’s point of view on how we should conduct our life. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were not dependent on what other people felt about us to feel good about ourselves? Sometimes, other people are not reflecting our best selves back to us.

What are some of the ways that we can maintain the connection with our best selves and reflect it back to ourselves steadily, thereby creating and recreating the loving connection? The answer is, nourishing ourselves to connection.

Author's Bio: 

Text from the best selling book, The Ever-Loving Essence of You, by Jamie Lerner and Lauren Targ

Jamie Lerner is the co-author of the book, The Ever-Loving Essence of You. She has co-created a beautiful family, received her MSW from Loyola University, and has traveled the world, exploring all types of spiritual healing modalities. As a therapist, Jamie has developed what she refers to as an integrative approach to well-being. Jamie Lerner is masterful in her ability to assist clients in re-creating a loving relationship with themselves. She is also a passionate, amateur adult equestrian rider on the AA horse show circuit. She has an insatiable appetite for pleasure, beauty, and joy; and often refers to herself as a true “pleasure junkie.”