How many times in your dating life have you heard this – “I love you, but I don’t want to be committed”…”Its not you, its me”…”You are a great girl, but I don’t want to be tied down”?? Five? Ten? A MILLION? Believe me ladies, we have ALL been there. And it really stinks because you have no idea what he is REALLY saying. How can he “love” you, but not want to be committed? Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him has some pretty good ideas on this subject.

First, though, I want to share a recent question I got from one of my readers that inspired me to write this article…

“I met a guy and we became friends for about three months. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. Three weeks Later he said he loves me but does not want to be committed. What does he mean by, “I LOVE YOU BUT DONT WANT TO BE COMMITED?”

First of all, and before I answer, when you read her question, what do YOU think? What do you think is happening in this relationship that has caused it to go off track so quickly?

Did she get needy? Did he meet someone else? Did he maybe never really love her in the first place?

Its hard to tell – because of course, we don’t know the whole story. But let me review this – first, they were friends for several months. This probably means that she REALLY liked him, and he was on the fence about it. Why? My first guess is the mechanics of attraction.

According to Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him, attraction is “not a choice”. There are, however, some very fundamental elements to attraction – one of which, for men, is DO NOT CHASE HIM. What do we do, as women, when we are attracted to a guy and he is not showing any real interest in us? We chase. We try to lure him in. We overdo. We put ourselves in his path, knowing that if he would just SEE how good we are, he could not help but love us. And ladies, I am not being condescending or poking fun – because I HAVE BEEN THERE. I have done all these things.

As women, we WANT to nurture. That means we want to take care of him, and everyone, and this means that usually, we overextend this virtue by overdoing. We go out of our way to do little things and think he will be SO appreciative.
But you know what? He’s not. And that does not mean he is a rude person. It means he is a man. Truthfully, Christian Carter says, most men do not WANT to be waited on, or have things done for them because it makes them feel OBLIGATED to do things in return. No one likes to feel obligated. It kills attraction.

So by overdoing, we are killing the attraction. By chasing him, we are killing the attraction. By being consistently available to him, we are …. Guess what? Killing the attraction!

So what DO we do? Well, if you want to PROMOTE attraction the Catch Him and Keep Him way (which works!) you will make yourself an IN DEMAND COMMODITY. I’m not saying go sell yourself on a street corner here, either. I am saying that you need to make HIM chase you. And how do you do that? You make yourself less available. You go have fun with your friends. You make a date with YOURSELF and do something YOU want to do and don’t invite him. So him that you are in control of your own life and that you are HAPPY and CONTENT, and while you may love to have him IN your life, he is NOT your life.

So, my advice to this reader is that I don’t know what happened, but I can GUESS that somehow, you chased him and it ended up killing the attraction. So for the next guy that comes along, try doing things a little different, and don’t chase him. In this way, according to Christian Carter, you WILL catch him and keep him.

Author's Bio: 

You may or may not have ever heard of me, but I have dedicated my life to helping women conquer fears and find the true happiness in a relationship that they desire.

I encourage you to visit my website and take charge of YOUR personal struggles here... Dating and Relationship Advice for Women by Christian Carter or on my new dating blog: Catch Him and Keep Him for good!