Healing Family through Communication

If you’re like me, you’ve learned plenty of communication techniques… but they never seem to work. At some point, things break down and your right back where you started… right? That’s because techniques are not always based on principles and therefore can’t be applied to every situation. And when it’s not effective in every situation we begin to lose faith and stop using them. For those of you that know me, you know I’m crazy about principles… because they are applicable anytime, anyplace, and in ANY situation. Once these communication principles are understood, you can find success in any situation.
Communication consists of 3 principles…

1. Communication has VERY little to do with what you actually say… Did you know that when you say something to someone that only 7% has anything to do with the words you used? It’s true! Think about. The words “I love you” said with hesitation, non-verbally communicates doubt in your words even though you actually said “I love you”. But “I love you” said with non-verbal conviction of tone and increased volume says that you really do! Eye rolls, sighs, tone quality, hesitation, even context are a few of the nonverbal communicators that we use with out even realizing it. It is through these communicators that our deeper desires and true intent are expressed. Learn how to use these communicators understand yourself better and to more effectively say what you want to say.

2. Communication requires expression. What I mean by this is that we don’t usually communicate what we think or feel (especially you men out there!). Sometimes we assume that our family knows that we love them and therefore never actually say it. STOP ASSUMING! The people in your life deserve you to say it, even if you said it yesterday, say it again. Say it everyday! Really! Also when you express your love do it in a way that THEY want to be told… not how you would (more on that in the next video “Value Creation).

3. 50% of Communication is LISTENING. Communication insinuates the exchanging of ideas or information. The key word is EXCHANGE. Unfortunately we have mistaken the meaning of communication for monologue and lecture. And we all know that doesn’t work. Seek first to understand… and the best way to do that is to listen. After you’ve listened reflect back what you THINK you heard so that you can gain clarification from the other person. Expressing our ideas and feelings is hard. Don’t expect someone else to do it perfectly when you probably can’t either. Then and only then should you seek to be understood.

If you can grasp these PRINCIPLES, you don’t need any techniques or rules. These principles are universal, allow freedom and therefore are applicable every time! Isn’t that great to know you don’t have to worry about rules?