For some people, their early years were a time when they received what they needed to receive in order to become a resilient, integrated and secure adult. Thanks to what took place during this stage of their life, their adult years may be pretty ‘normal’.

So, they could have gone through the education system, even gone to university, and ended up with a fairly good job. Along the way, they may have met someone who was right for them.

The Beaten Track

If someone like this doesn’t have children, it might only be a matter of time before that step is taken. Then again, they might prefer to focus on their own career and other interests and not take this step.

Now, this is not to say that people like this won’t go through any hardships; they may have experienced a number of losses and had to deal with other challenges. But, as a result of what their childhood was like, they will have a strong core that will make it easier for them to handle the challenges that are part of life.

A Very Different Experience

For others, their early years were a time when they didn’t receive what they needed to receive in order to become a resilient, integrated and secure adult. Due to how challenging this stage of their life was, their adult years are likely to be anything but normal.

Still, from the outside, someone like this may appear to have a ‘normal’ life. The reason for this is that they may have gone through the education system, even gone to university, and have a good job, and they could be in a relationship.

Off The beaten Track

But, beyond how well they appear or don’t appear to be doing on the surface, they will most likely be dealing with a number of challenges that are a consequence of what took place when they were a child. Then again, these challenges may have prevented them altogether from being able to live anything that resembles a ‘normal’ life.

Perhaps, they were able to live a ‘normal’ life until a lot of their inner baggage came to the surface and knocked them down. Irrespective of whether the former or the latter is accurate, they will have a lot of challenges to deal with.

One Option

After becoming aware of some of their challenges, they may have ended up reaching out for support. At this point, they may have already suffered for a number of years.

What matters is that they took this step and didn’t allow themselves to suffer in silence any longer. However, while they will be doing the right thing by working through their inner wounds, it doesn’t mean that they will show themselves the level of love and understanding that they deserve.

A Few Traps

Although they will be doing their best with the cards that have been dealt with, so to speak, they could often feel as though they are not doing enough. Further, they could have the tendency to compare their life with others, with these often being people that had a very different childhood to them.

Ultimately, one will be on their own path and it won’t serve them to compare their life with anyone else’s life, regardless of if this other person had a nurturing childhood or not. The key will be for them to compare their own life with where they started, not where someone else started.

Both Parts

If they are in a lot of pain and there are a lot of challenges in their life, it can be hard for them to acknowledge their own growth. They can be on the lookout for the big things, thereby missing out on all of the small breakthroughs that they have had.

What they could do to stay connected to their own growth is to make a list of all the things that have taken place. This will keep their mind in check and make it easier for them to stay motivated and to keep going.

Digging Deep

If they were to do this, they may find that a number of things come to mind and that it is clear that they are making progress. They may be able to relate to some, if not all, of the following:

• They may find that they have been able to yes and no at the right time
• They may find that they have been able to experience moments of inner peace
• They may find that there have been moments when they have felt good
• They may find that they have been able to put their needs first without feeling guilty
• They may find that they have been able to express their feelings
• They may find that they have finally been able to get angry or to control their anger
• They may have found that they have been able to cry
• They may have been able to connect to their needs
• They may find that they have been able to open up to others
• They may find that they have been able to trust others


To someone that had a nurturing upbringing, each of these things could just be a normal part of their life and won’t be seen as anything special. Nonetheless, based on how one started out, these will be huge milestones.

And, even if one only experiences one of these things every now and then, it will still be better than not experiencing it at all. They might not have received much kindness as a child but they can now be kind to themselves.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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