Question:

I have a niece that I've raised for the past 10 years she's now 20 and she doesn't share her feelings with me which most teenage young women don't but I overheard her on the phone the other evening and it made me so sad to hear her begging a boy to allow her to come over to spend the night. It just makes me feel as if though she doesn't have love for herself enough to know that she deserves someone whom will want her to spend time with them how do I help to guide her to loving herself so that she can receive the right kind of love from others?

Answer:

She’s twenty now and she doesn’t think of herself as a teenager anymore, even if you still see her that way. It can be frustrating to be in that position where a loved one is struggling and needs help, but they are not necessarily receptive to receiving it from you. It is especially hard to foster self-love in others because that is something they have to find and create in themselves.

If there are any older, strong women that she looks up to as a mentor and confidant, that can often be a starting point for her to model self-love from. And in your case, if the circumstance should present itself, you can tell her about a situation when you were a young woman and you didn’t know who you were, didn’t know what you were supposed to be, and didn’t like what you saw in the mirror. Talk to her about feeling scared, lonely, frustrated, impulsive and defiant all at the same time—or however you experienced it. Then talk to her about how you got through it, what you found inside yourself that showed you there was something big, strong and lovable in your heart that mattered more than all the pain and misunderstanding you were going through.

Those kinds of stories from women she knows will help light her way, even if it’s not apparent that she is taking it all in. If these kind of women are not there in her life right now, you can also leave around books, poems, dvds with these messages of a strong emergent feminine hero or archetype. Finally, even if you are not meant to be the instrument for her finding self-love, or that for one reason or another she is not ready to claim it at this time, you need to trust that she will find her own way when she is ready.

Love,
Deepak

Author's Bio: 

Intent.com
Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.