Hope For Marriage Restoration: What To Do When Your Marriage Is Falling Apart

Is it possible to save my marriage? If you are one among those who have this question troubling you, then you are possibly in a marriage in which love has evaporated or one which has already been showing signs of breaking up. Cracks in a relationship can appear for various reasons ranging from the trivial to the serious.

Sometimes, the question 'Is it possible to save my marriage?' arises in the mind of only one person. Does it mean that the other person is happy with the marriage? Possible. If this were the case, the other person is not aware of any problems in the marriage and has been carrying on with life blissfully. Such a person should have been a blessed one! The other possibility is that the problem was caused by the other person and being aware of this, has already reconciled to a separation. So they just don't care. The third possibility is that the person is a stoic, one who has the mental maturity to accept whatever life hands over to them. They also belong to the blessed category. I am not concerned with these people but with those like you who are troubled by the question,'Is it possible to save marriage? My answer is a resounding YES! Just follow the following the following few tips, though these may appear unconventional.

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Step back: If you have broken a glass object by mistake, what do you do? Will you just stand there staring at wishing that the broken pieces reassemble themselves and the original object comes back to life? No. the first thing you will do is to clear the spot off the broken pieces. The logic is simple. You cannot preserve a spoiled environment. In the same way, you have to move away from the breaking up event. This means accepting the break up as something that has happened and as something that cannot be wished away and move away from it both mentally and physically. Moving away physically means to cut off all contacts with your ex.

Recharge yourself: If you are not going to stop with wondering 'Is it possible to save my marriage?' and if you are going to do something about getting what you want, you need to be in great shape both physically and psychologically. Recharge your batteries by taking care of your physiological and emotional needs. Take care of your health and socialize a bit, if not a lot. If an idle mind is the devil's workshop, an energetic mind should be the place where the angels would love to visit and help you find a positive answer to the question, 'Is it possible to save my marriage?'

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Men and Women communicate differently. Those of you who have been married, for any length of time, will probably recognize this as a fact. I have always thought, our creator must have a keen sense of humor, to make men and women so drastically different. It, definitely, keeps things interesting.

Why is it so hard for men and women to understand each other? There are basic, ingrained differences in the way we communicate. A woman can be more subtle than her man. She expects him to pick up on her hints. For example, a woman can make a hint about how cold it is in the house. The man, often times, doesn't get this subtle hint. His response to her, perfectly clear suggestion, could be an agreement to her statement. He doesn't realize, this was a clue for him to go turn up the heat.

The woman is annoyed, because she feels she is clearly communicating her needs. The man is frustrated because he isn't picking up on her subtleties. He can't understand why she is upset with him. The man, being more direct, thinks she should have said what she wanted in the beginning. It is easy to understand why men and women have a hard time communicating, at times. Men respond to the direct approach, but that is not always the way women communicate.

I am not a trained or certified marriage counselor. My knowledge is the practical kind, which I have learned from a 30+ year marriage. These 3 tips worked for us.

1. Don't take it personally. Many times, we get caught up in over-sensitivity. Our spouse could have had a hard day at work, or many other assorted challenges in their day. If we take their mood personally it can be devastating. Early in my married life, I was over-sensitive. My husband could easily take off on a rant (learned behavior from his childhood). I would get my feelings hurt, because I felt his rantings was directed at me (learned behavior from my childhood). Even when I knew it had nothing to do with me, I could make it about me. As we continued to learn how to communicate and how we each felt, he ranted less (because he knew that upset me) and I grew thicker skin. Does that mean he doesn't rant any more? No, I just don't take it personally.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

2. If it is at all possible, express one's feelings without anger. This can be a challenging. It is easy to get angry and fly off into anger, and hurt the other person with harsh words. Sometimes, removing oneself from the immediate emotional situation can help. Go somewhere to cool off. Discussing it with a friend is not advised. Friends have long memories, and can bring up things best forgotten. It is, also, very hurtful to our spouses to discuss these topics with others. We should never say to friends and family members things about our spouses that we wouldn't say in front of them.

If discussing the situation without anger is not possible than stick to the topic. Many people, when they fight, start bringing up all kinds of past grievances. This is very unproductive and foolish. Let the past grievances stay in the past and only discuss the current thing. It is best to make an effort, even in anger, not to say personally demeaning things to hurt the other person. Disagreements will be more productive this way. We must remember to keep our words sweet. We never know when we might have to eat them!

3. It is unrealistic for anyone to believe that once we are married our spouse is going to change. It doesn't happen. If we can't accept the things they do before marriage, it is best not to wed. The big things that bug us before marriage will become even bigger once the I do's are said.

If you find yourself wishing you hadn't married, try this exercise. Day one, pick one thing about your spouse that you like. Write it down. The next day, read what you wrote and add one more thing you like about your spouse. Day three, reread what you wrote the two previous days and add one more thing. Keep doing this for 10 days in a row. In the beginning of this exercise you may struggle with finding anything you like about them. But, if you are persistent and continue, at the end of the 10 days, you might be surprised at how different your attitude is about your spouse. What you choose to focus on will grow, either good or bad.

Learning to communicate with our life partner may seem difficult at first. It takes persistence, desire, and practice to understand them. When we have learned how our partner communicates and we honor it by teaching them how we communicate, our marriages becomes stronger and more satisfying. It is, always, worth the effort.

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Sitting across the table from each other at the restaurant they gaze lovingly in to each other's eyes. They hardly notice that the waiter has come by 3 times just to take their order. Infatuated and newly in love they see no fault in each other, life doesn't get any better than this. But could it?

Fast forward a few years. Sitting at the same restaurant their focus is entirely on the menu. They've long since forgotten that loving feeling and they are keenly aware now of each others shortcomings. Sure, they still love each other but things have changed. But did they need to? Isn't there a better way?

Somewhere along the way the focus shifted from what they loved and appreciated about each other to a focus on their mutual lack in the relationship. A lack of passion, lack of fun together, perhaps even a lack of time to enjoy each others company. Is it really a lack of anything or merely a shift in focus that has since continued to stray.

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The quickest way to move back in to a loving place in the relationship is to express gratitude. They may feel uncomfortable expressing it openly to their partner in the beginning but even quiet expressive thoughts first thing in the morning when they wake up and at night before bed will start the shift.

When they think about all the wonderful times they've had together and what makes their relationship special it brings back the feelings of how things once were. Once in that place of feeling those emotions they may be better able to share those thoughts of gratitude with their partner.

Suddenly a domino effect takes place where openness, trust, admiration and love once again abound. They are together for many reasons, remembering them is the key to their successful marriage and avoiding the perils of divorce.

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Do you know how people think their partner should instinctively know how to meet their needs in a marriage? Read on to discover a communication technique that will enhance your relationship and get your needs met.

Even if you have been married forty years, your spouse still needs you to communicate with them. Most of us are not married to telepaths who can read our mind. However, if your husband has pointed ears and can do the Vulcan mind meld, then you may be married to a telepath and this does not apply to you.

Many people expect their spouses to be a Vulcan and automatically know what they need and want. I like to call this the psychic phenomenon.

Mild Psychic Phenomenon

At times, we all fall into the trap of believing our spouse automatically knows what we want. Usually this is over simple matters and there are not any lasting effects. It happens randomly.

For example, my wife asked me what cereal I wanted from the store. I told her that it did not matter to me. Although I did not have a preference at that time, my telepathy told me that she would not buy shredded wheat.

Of course you know where this story is going. My wife bought shredded wheat. I thought she could read my mind and assumed she would not buy that type of cereal.

This was a single isolated incidence and had no long-term repercussions on our marriage. I just ate shredded wheat for a week.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Moderate Psychic Phenomenon

Moderate issues form when one spouse has expectations of what the other spouse will do without discussing it.

For example, a wife expects her husband to help her clean up the kitchen after dinner. He assumes that she will take care of it and goes to watch a ball game. Over time, she gets frustrated and starts to build resentment toward him because he is not helping.

She needs to let him know that she wants help cleaning. This is a single issue that can be resolved if the couple will start discussing their expectations.

Severe Psychic Phenomenon

This occurs when someone is not able to be honest and assertive about his or her needs. Over time, they become angry and resentful that their needs are not being met. Then the relationship stops working for them and they explode.

However, it is because they did not let their partner know what they needed. In fact, their partner is often shocked because they thought everything was going well.

I have seen many cases when a wife never addressed issues that bothered her. She buried it for years until she reached a breaking point.

He was clueless that there was even a problem. She thought he should have intuitively known that there was a problem. She obviously thought that she had married a mind reader.

This could be avoided with honesty and openness about her needs.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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