You don’t.

I’m sorry, but no matter who you are, who she is, and how many crazy skills in dating you have learned, you will never. ever get back that particular person.


It’s been programmed into us since the dawn of time, and it’s called COURTSHIP.

There’s an actual set of biological reflexes that have existed in men and women for all history. These are made up of three phases of romance, and I have laid out nine total steps to it.

This courtship process exists for a reason: we have only so many years to live, and a limited time to reach the goal of finding the one (or several) women with whom we will sire children.

In her, the stakes for selectivity are even higher: while you have many billions of sperm over a lifetime, she has approximately 200-300 viable eggs which could become a baby.

As a result, women have an intense reflex to screen you and label you, to judge you and peg you into a category.

These range from: “friend only,” to “Good for right now,” to “marriage material,” to “everything I have ever wanted or WILL want.”

Once you have missed a step, slipped, fell, said or did the wrong thing – the unattractive thing, the thing that is a “deal killer” for her, or a disqualifier, black mark, or “no thanks” excuse to shed your presence, she is gone (or wishes she had gone.)

It doesn’t have to be so fearful, sudden-death, or arbitrary in nature when you understand what these courtship steps are.

Just know this: When you have learned enough to do them right in general, you are GUARANTEED to find the right woman in return.

And I do not mean a “consolation prize.” I mean the most beautiful, intelligent, humorous, successful, RIGHT woman of which you are capable.

The ONLY time I have ever seen men go back and find the “one that got away,” it was a situation where they broke up, he went off on his own for months or years and GREW…

...while she went off for months and years, dated other men with whom it didn’t work out, and SHE GREW.

Then not intentionally, but purely by accident, happy as they were, grown, new, and improved, both the man and woman happened to RUN INTO EACH OTHER AGAIN, while doing other important things of life.

No, not searching for or stalking each other.

No, not sitting around obsessing over each other.

They were living life.

Only now, they had grown more mature, more successful, more experienced, and with richer, more vibrant lives – capable of a more skilled DANCE with the other gender.

And in this NEW state of being, it really was as if they were brand NEW and DIFFERENT people than they were months or years before.

SO this new encounter was as if they were new people, truly meeting as if for the very first time…


Yes, it COULD happen to you.

But along the way it is very likely you will meet the one for whom you were born to be with.

Which is not just “second best,” a “consolation,” or “okay.” It’s what completely gives you fulfillment and satisfaction in the romance department of life.

Author's Bio: 

Paul Dobransky, M.D. is a board-certified psychiatrist, public speaker and relationship expert who has treated more than 10,000 patients in 15+ years in clinical psychiatric care. Journalists and clients worldwide have sought Dr. Paul's advice on dating, relationships and all aspects of human psychology.

Dr. Paul pioneered MindOS, a new, patent-pending approach to understanding relationships, mood problems and stress. MindOS synthesizes all schools of therapy into a single, effective system-based approach that uses plain language to help people understand psychology and solve problems. Go to to learn more.