How do I get out of attachments and focus on self respect and self love?

Every person is in search of happiness. We get attached wherever we get joy, even if it is only for a while.
We look for friends, family, or any kind of relationship that can make us happy. When we get attached to some person, we feel quite glad for a while. But unfortunately, no two minds in the world go together. Soon, misunderstandings, mismatches and miscommunications creep into the relationships and make our life complex.

When one suffers too much, he then tries to find a way to escape the attachment. One may decide that instead of focusing on people or things, it is a safer option to focus on ourselves. Accordingly, one begins to take care of their looks, thoughts, health, etc. But alas! one does not find permanent happiness even in this. Then where can we find permanent happiness?

Let us read on to know the fundamental nature of illusory attachment and also, how to come out of it and live in a state of permanent happiness.
Illusory attachment is called Moha. What does moha mean?
Let’s understand with an example…
There is a gentleman who is an Engineer. He goes to the office daily and lives a good life.

One day, he is made to drink a bottle of whisky, after which he begins to blabber, “I am the Prime Minister of India, I am this, and I am that.” Seeing this, wouldn’t we know that he has been intoxicated? Such intoxication is that of Moha.
To forget the Self (who I really am) and to continuously get attached to another state (I am so and so) is called Moha. Moha is a state of unawareness. To lose sight of what is helpful or harmful to us is known as moha. Moha is the main cause of every pain that one experiences in material life. Moha makes one forget all the beatings and as a result, one suffers repeatedly.

What is the root cause behind getting attached to someone or something?
It is due to the ignorance of the Self that Moha exists. Thereafter, the ego (belief) that ‘I am something’ entrenches the Moha further. And when one acquires more and more means to indulge in the pleasure of five senses, that increases the Moha even further. As the moha pervades more and more, one gets trapped further and further. To slip in Moha is like slipping into a marshy land; the more you struggle to get out of it, the more you sink in further.
How can we come out of this illusory attachment then?
It is by remembering the sufferings we suffered due to our attachment. We should immediately recall the previous nightmares when we tend to get attached again.

Nevertheless, we should be cautious enough to remember the suffering only, but not carry any hatred towards the people. It is not at all the mistake of the ones who have given us the pain. The nature of attachment itself is painful. It is this experience that should be remembered. For example, if we enter a hall and fall down because there was a step that we might have overlooked. What will we do the next time we enter the hall? We will be cautious not to fall down because of the step. We will simply be aware of the step, but we will not carry any hatred towards it, isn’t it?

Similarly, it is good to have relationships, but we should be aware that we should not get attached to anyone. We should not expect anything nor demand anything from them. We do not have to come out of the relationships, but only need to come out of our expectations and attachment towards them.
Is it practically possible not to have an attachment with anyone, yet be with them and remain happy? Yes! If you are the owner of a sweet shop, and if your friend comes to meet you, will you expect that he should bring sweets for you? No! Instead, you will offer him lots of sweets, because you have plenty.

Similarly, if you have lots of happiness within you, will you expect others to make you happy, or will you spread joy wherever you go? And when you do not expect happiness outside, you will not get attached to anyone. With this, your relationships will blossom! People around you will feel happy to be around you, and there will be no strain on your relationships.

So, let us open a store of happiness now.
How?
Our true Self is the embodiment of pure Love and permanent happiness. But the ignorance of Self has veiled the power of the Soul. Hence, we are searching for happiness outside. When we realize the Self, we too shall be the embodiment of pure love.

To realize the Self, we need to go to the living Gnani, the Enlightened One, who is Self-realized and has the divine powers to help us attain Self-Realization too. So come, let us go to Gnani and from Him, attain Self-realization (it’s absolutely free of cost), so that we too can open the store of happiness by having self-love and also love for those around us.

To know more: https://www.dadabhagwan.org/self-realization/