How Do I Know If I Should Leave My Husband: Unhappy Marriage Should You Stay or Leave

There's no one simple answer to the question that I'm often asked, "Should I stay in my marriage, even though I'm unhappy, or should I leave?" It's impossible to give a "one size fits all" response because every marriage is different.

But there are some general guidelines that you can consider if you're in this situation. Use these thirteen tips to reflect on your marriage, your energy level, your commitment, and the degree of your dissatisfaction.

1. Don't give up prematurely. You have invested time, energy, money, hopes and dreams in your marriage. The only way many people can initiate divorce without feeling unduly guilty is to know that they have tried everything they possibly could to make the marriage better. It just makes good sense to focus on how you can improve the relationship you're in now.

2. Consider your children and how a divorce could impact them. Divorce is never easy. Preschool children and kids who are still in school will be affected in ways grown children are not, such as possible changes in schools if a parent moves, a parent possibly having to work two jobs to make it financially, the loss of daily contact with both parents, etc.

3. If your spouse has an addiction or is abusive, utilize all resources and support groups that offer help. For example, If your spouse is an alcoholic, join Al-Anon, which provides support for family members, and get your teenage children involved in Alateen so they can get the support they need to deal with the home situation. Of course, a top priority is keeping your children safe, so do not keep them in any situation that is dangerous for them.

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4. Focus on how you can change yourself to be a better partner instead of how you want to "fix" your spouse. When you work on improving yourself and changing non-productive habits and approaches, then your spouse will have to relate to you differently. You may have gotten in a habitual mode of pushing each other's buttons in the same way and always eliciting the same response. But if you change your normal response, then the interaction between the two of you will change.

5. Have on-going support from a counselor who knows your issues and what you are going through. This will give you the help and encouragement you need to keep trying new things and experimenting with new approaches.

6. Encourage your spouse to consider marriage counseling. If finances are a problem, call your local Chamber of Commerce or the mayor's office and ask which agencies in your community offer sliding scale fees based on income. Also, some churches offer counseling services, and some ministers provide counseling. Don't automatically assume that you can't afford counseling.

7. Examine whether or not you are depending too much on your spouse to meet your needs or "make you happy." No one else can make you happy; it's an inside job. And no one person can meet all the needs of another. That's why you need friends, hobbies, and outside activities. Expand your world and see if this takes some of the pressure off of your marriage.

8. Keep a gratitude journal each day, listing all of the things you are thankful for in your life. Each day, try to find five or six new things to list that you haven't written down before. During the day, notice what happens that's a blessing: the friendly sales clerk who efficiently handles your refund with a smile, the parking space that suddenly opens up just when you need it, or an unexpected compliment from a co-worker.

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9. Make a list of your spouse's positive qualities and contributions to your marriage, including things he or she has done that you appreciate. Read over this list every morning and every evening, anchoring these good points in your mind. At some point, share your list with your spouse.

10. Make a consistent effort to be positive and encouraging. Sandwich any criticism or request for a change in behavior between two compliments. For example, "You're always so responsible about mowing the yard each weekend. Could you also sweep the grass clippings off the sidewalk? Thanks for all you do to help keep the yard looking so good."

11. Work on keeping your heart open in love to your spouse. It's easy to close down emotionally when you're angry or hurt. Visualize beams of love or golden light radiating out from your heart to your spouse's heart. You can dislike the behavior but still love the person. When you send the energy of judgment and criticism to another, the response will be very different than when you send the energy of unconditional love.

12. Try writing your thoughts, feelings, and requests in a letter to your spouse. There are many spouses who have responded positively to a letter who have been notorious for tuning out the spouse's verbal pleas for years. It's a different medium of communication, and it often commands more attention.

13. When you have given your marriage your best efforts for at least a year and nothing has changed, then ask yourself the famous Ann Landers question, "Are you better off with him (or her) or without him?" Life is too short to stay stuck in a miserable marriage for years if you are the only one who wants your relationship to be different. Even at this point, though, sometimes the shock of having a spouse initiate a legal separation makes the other partner finally realize the seriousness of the situation and agree to work on the marriage.

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Saving your marriage from divorce can be very tricky as marriage is full of ups and downs. Navigating ways through lots of arguments, broken hearts, hurt feeling and lots of small niggles of married life can be overwhelming and sometimes many couples reach a point of desperation.

It is a very confusing grey area when it comes to finding out how to prevent your marriage from collapsing as solutions and logic can mean nothing and raw emotions can make everything to crash down.

You need to know the right steps and moves to make to get back the marriage on the right track. There are lots of things you can do save your marriage. Though some may take patience and time, some are pretty head on and so long as both of you can figure out where the problem is things can work out. Here are four steps to save your marriage.

1. Communication

Communication is the key to a marriage's success for any person who wants to save his or her marriage from collapsing. It is very important for both of you to talk to one another. Try creating a relaxed atmosphere where both of you can openly talk without blaming one another. When talking to your partner let your guard down. Do not attack one another and respect your spouse as you would want them to respect you.

You need to respect your partner views and ideals. Whenever you feel that your partner is attacking you, stay calm and do not try to defend yourself. Defending yourself will only make the situation worse. Allow your spouse to express his or her views without passing judgment or interrupting. If your spouse says something which hurts your feelings or insults you, try not to take the feeling to the heart.

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2. Make an Effort

To strength your bond as wife and husband, do some of the things which your partner likes to do. Listen to the type of music he likes; surprise him with a gift such as couple's bubble bath or a book he or she has been longing to read or a CD or DVD that your partner has been raving for.

3. Get some time alone

To escape away from everyday stressful life, it is important for both of you to get away. Go out to eat, go to the movies, or take a mini vacation where both of you can get a way from the kids and daily stress of life.

This will give you an opportunity to talk freely to each other without family and friends distractions. While alone try digging dipper to get into the root cause of your problems. Try creating a relaxed atmosphere where you can talk freely to one another and avoid drilling them in any way. Your first task should be to identify the problem and then fix it. Going for a romantic vacation can rekindle your marriage and spice back things even if your marriage is on the rocks.

4. Have sex

Nearly every one lives a busy life and with taking care of the kids and work, in many occasions spouses are normally drained and tend to avoid having sex. Lack of intimacy in your marriage can destroy it. You need to bring back the romantic and sexy side of you out from the closet, initially you were spunky and your sex life was intense when you first fell in love and became husband and wife, bring that back.

You need to sustain and maintain a healthy sex life. Sex is very crucial when it comes to starting the intimate fire again and trying to save your marriage from divorce. With regular and intimate sex, you will stay connected emotionally, your stress will be relieved and you will have an increased self-esteem.

When your marriage is on the rocks, you need to realize that it requires a lot of patience when trying to save it from divorce. Everything will not happen overnight and sometimes you may take two steps backwards before taking one step forward. Definitely, you need to be patient with one another and have a laid down plan. Stop the sleepless night and stress and get your partner back before it is too late.

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Many women lose their husbands and marriages to strange women who take over what rightfully belongs to them.

Who is a strange woman?

A strange woman is a ''wolf on the prowl''. She is a woman like yourself but takes over your husband because you did not value what you have. In simple terms, she is a 'husband snatcher', who snatches your husband.

We are quick to blame the strange women who can not find their own husbands but prefer to steal other women's husbands.There are many reasons why a strange woman can take over your husband.

One is that some men are so promiscuous that no matter how their wives attend to them,they will stray away into the hands of the strange woman. Two is that the victim wives, who have loving husbands but who compelled their husbands to stray into the open arms of strange women through their carelessness and foolishness.

If you wish to lose your husband to a strange woman, there are 10 quick and easy ways to go about it.

1) Peace:

Every reasonable man/husband desires a peaceful wife,life and home.

If you really wish to throw your husband into the hands of a strange woman,become a combatant rather than the companion that you were created to be. Give him more stress than he can really cope with via nagging,murmur,criticism,condemnation,abusive words,bullying,

bitterness,malice,complaints etc. In summary, become the woman in Proverbs 21:19.

Off your husband will go into the hands of the strange woman who is more peaceful and loving and who knows how to give him the peace and rest that you foolishly failed to provide.

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2) Homeliness:

Men like the company of an available wife.

To quickly frustrate your husband especially if he is the homely type, don't just bother to spend any time to stay home with him. Spend all your time partying,clubbing, night crawling and traveling.Find and create activities that will take you away from home and let your neighbors and maids become the help meet in your place.

3) Trust and Caution:

Throw all caution to the winds and trust every woman around you. Allow them come too close to him to steal his heart from you. You do not need him. Do you? The strange woman is not really far away but very close to you and closer than you think. Allow the strange woman just one inch!

4) Company of friends:

Make friends with those women whose marriages have failed and crashed - the divorcees,the separated and the single parents. Learn from them what caused their marriages to fail and swallow them hook,line and sinker for immediate implementation in your marriage. Are they not the wise ones who love freedom? Go ahead and copy them!

Avoid the company of those women who have enjoyable and progressive marriages,who are paying the price to make their marriages work because good marriages do not just happens but happens by hard work put into it. These are the fools who prefer to be enslaved and subjugated by their husbands and you don't want it.

5) Meals:

Men like good food.

To quickly send your husband out, don't bother to cook his meals. You are not his cook and if you have to cook,ensure that the food is either too salty or burned. Starve him and you will see him moving from you into the hands of the strange woman who is a better cook; who knows that one of the surest ways to a man's heart is through his stomach.

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6) His needs:

Men have specific and unique needs.

Neglect his needs totally.Do not bother to find for yourself what his specific and unique needs are. Assume that his needs are same as your father's or brother's. Because your father takes his dinner at 10pm, assume that dinner must be available for your husband by 10pm though he wants it by 8pm. Give a strange woman the grace to locate those needs and to meet them.

7) Cleanliness:

Men like a clean environment.

Make the home unwelcome all the time. Make it dirty, keep it dirty with un -flushed toilets,unwashed plates, disorganized sitting room etc.The strange woman is wiser and knows how to attract him to her with a cleaner environment that is a happier place to be.

8) Romance:

A man is a romantic creature.

Discourage romance by letting him know that romance is taboo and not a part of the marriage. let him know that you are in his house as a piece of furniture for decoration only. No touching, No hugs, No kisses.

9) Sex:

Men like sex.

Become a sexual bore than a performer in bed.Hook up your bra and close your pants.Let him know that you are not his sex machine. Place a ''road closed sign'' between your thighs. Wear tight jeans to bed. Create 365 reasons (one per day) to scare him away. Whenever you are gracious to allow him, lie there like a log of wood. Its the last straw and the fastest means to kick your husband into the goal post of the ever ready strange woman.

10) Your outlook:

Men are attracted by what they see.

Keep yourself in poor shape all the time. Accumulate fat unnecessarily.Keep your hair unkempt and dress like a village grandmother. Don't maintain the original looks that drew him to you.The strange woman,who is perhaps more desperate knows better because she is wiser.

The attitudes above explains the ways foolish women take their husbands for granted and lose their husbands and their marriages. The Bible says that a wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman plucks it out of her hands (Proverbs 14:1).

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Most people don't know what to expect when they seek the help of a professional marriage counselor. It is important that you feel comfortable with this person and that you trust them enough that you feel you can be open and honest with them. If you have done your research up to this point you likely have chosen a few counselors that have passed your preliminary screening. It is now time to meet with them face to face for an initial marriage counseling consultation. Here are some things to expect.

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The initial consultation is a meeting where you can really get to know the marriage counselor better and learn more about how they practice and what they can offer you. Understand that there are several different strategies that counselors can apply to help troubled relationships. Ask specific questions about what each particular counselor will do so you have a thorough understanding of what you will be doing. If you are not comfortable with a particular approach you can eliminate them as a choice and move on to the next one. If you find a strategy that you like or feel comfortable with then you can add that to your list of favorites and potentially make a follow up appointment if everything else fits.

The initial marriage counseling consultation is also where you can determine if you will feel comfortable enough with this person to allow them to help you. The more comfortable you are with them the more likely it is that you will open up to them. This can only help you chances of saving your relationship.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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