How Much Does A Father Figure Figures?

I have a friend. His name is Ben, 30 years old and separated to his wife. Also, he just recently broke up with his 18 year old girlfriend. The reason? “I cannot breathe! She is too possessive!” my friend Ben exclaimed. I know it’s not a taboo to see younger women with older men but in this case I just want to scrutinize further.

Aside from financial issues, what pushes younger women to be with older men? In Ben’s case, he said his 18 year old girlfriend had a detached relationship from her father. Her parents separated when she was young. Is this a big factor why a young girl would act like a control freak to an adult male more than twice her age? Now take a look at my friend Carrie, who constantly tries to figure out men and also goes for older, well- established gentlemen.

Does this have to do with the fact that her father left her and her mom when she was just 3 years old? But then again, there’s me. I had an awesome relationship with my dad but I also opt for older men (not too old though) who have strong, and intimidating personality.

My dad was a local leader and also had a strong and domineering personality, is this a major factor why I also opt for men with the same characteristic as my dad? It has been said that our childhood determines the outcome of our choices in our adult life. So does this mean that having no or strong paternal influence in early life makes you yearn for a father figure in later life? How does father figure really figure our romantic relationship? Is this a fact or just pop psychology? For further understanding, let us define what father figure is.

It is a man who takes the role of a real father or someone who stimulates the emotions usually felt for the real dad and with whom you can relate psychologically. But what if one has an abusive and alcoholic dad? Are they bound to look for a father figure that is as dysfunctional as the real one? The fact is, having little or no father figure from your childhood really does have an influence in longing for older and mature partner to replace the dad you never had.

But this is just one factor. Women, who had no dad to relate to when they were younger, were forced to mature faster. They need to emotionally and psychologically cope with their situation and as a result they seek someone with the same level of maturity and understanding. Having no father figure in early childhood may also make an adult fearful or have difficult time in establishing a committed love affair.

According to Dr. Joseph Carver Phd. A resident psychologist of Counselling Resource, “We often learn to relate to the opposite sex during our relationship with our opposite-sex parent.” That is why having an older and mature partner can make you feel safe and secure. But as Relationship Coach, I say, to be in a love affair because you feel safe and secure are definitely wrong reasons to be involved with someone.

Expecting your partner to complete you is selfish and immature. The partner is just there to complement you, not complete you. So, is there something wrong if you yearn for a father figure? Of course NOT! As long as you take time to heal from your childhood pains and overcome those wrong beliefs about yourself that you had acquired from your early days.Develop yourself and your self esteem and your perfect father figure will come along and sweep you off your feet.