Have you ever looked out into the ocean of ‘single’ possibilities and wondered, “Where are all the good ones?” Maybe you’ve thought to yourself, “All the good ones are married”, or “I have no idea how to find who I am looking for.” Would you like the secret answer to these questions? Would you really like to know the answer? Get ready, you might not like it…ok, here goes, you need to start by being the partner you are looking for. No, that doesn’t mean change your gender or sexual preference and it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to change your job or your looks or the way you wear your clothes…although it could mean that! Are you intrigued? Curious? Maybe even annoyed?

The first step in finding the love of your life is being the love of your life. What are the qualities you expect in a life-partner? Integrity? Honesty? Supportive? Loving? Fun? Maybe you could write a dozen things on your ‘list’. Is what you want in a partner consistent with your own values and who you are? Have you really explored what words like ‘honesty’ and ‘supportive’ mean to you? What actions would show honesty for you? Would it mean that your partner would share his/her thoughts, feelings and ideas, especially when they might be feeling afraid or worried? If so, is this something you are comfortable doing? Do you express yourself honestly by sharing your feelings when you are afraid and worried? If not, how might your values match your partner’s and support a developing relationship?

What about changing your job or your looks or the way your wear your clothes? It’s not about doing something different to ‘get’ a partner or to attract attention. This is a reality check. If you are clear that you want someone who loves what they do, or is healthy or is confident and likes who they are, then it’s time to ask yourself the same questions. If you are in a career that you hate or doing work that drains your energy, will you be the partner you want to be for your beloved? If you are unhappy with your body and who you are, maybe covering up in bulky clothing or slouching, will you have the traits you want to find in a partner – confidence, good health, awareness of body, mind and spirit?

If you are asking yourself these questions right now, I want to give you 7 secrets and simple steps to start the process of becoming the partner you are looking for:

Make an inventory of 5 – 10 values or traits that are truly important to you in a partner and in a relationship.
Knowing that these values are important to you in your relationship, take each one and explore what the word really means to you and give some examples of exactly what actions or words it will look like in your relationship.
Now take a brutally honest inventory of where you are right now in regards to these values and the definition and examples you provided. Don’t worry; you will be the only one reading it…though it can be very helpful to share what you learn with an encouraging and supportive friend.
Identify what goal/s you have for being the love of your life and ask yourself what you can do to achieve the goals.
Create an action plan with specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic and timely goals.
Find an accountability partner – someone who will hold you accountable on a regular basis.
Get started…and remember to celebrate along the way. You have committed to being the best partner you can be, and guess what, by being that partner you will be amazed at who starts showing up in your life
Being proactive is one of the best ways to get, receive and attract what you want. Focus on what you truly want, be clear what it looks like and start living it. You have the power to live the life you desire!

Author's Bio: 

Cathy Hartman has a passion for showing single, heart-led women entrepreneurs, professionals (or entrepreneurs at heart), how to create relationships that are not only successful, but that are in alignment with their heart's passion and life purpose. Her own experiences of building and sustaining a truly amazing marriage and a very successful business showed her that the joy she felt in creating deep and meaningful relationships was as much about the beliefs she had about herself as it was about her skills and talents for creating and sustaining connection and intimacy. By coaching with simple, effective tools to create positive and lasting change, Cathy helps women become absolutely clear and committed to what is important to them in relationship so they can create a relationship plan that fully supports them in finding the love of their life.