Very often, clients tell me, “I just want to be happy.” When I ask them what happiness means to them, they say, “I don’t know.” Of course, I help them to realize what happiness means to them, what it takes and how they will know when they are happy.

Happy is defined in the dictionary as delighted, pleased or glad. Everything we do is for that ultimate feeling.
Happy is a really big word that is subjective for each of us. So what does happy mean to you?

Some people spend a lot of time atavistically; that is thinking about the past and what went wrong with regret, etc……the yucky stuff.

It is our language, both internal (our thoughts) and external (spoken) that creates our reality. Language is the mirror of the mind. Simply put, yucky words create yucky feelings; happy words create happy feelings.

Dr. Richard Bandler, co-creator and developer of NLP, says, “If you always focus on negative things, you feel bad. If you start to look for solutions that are different and better, that’s the way your world will become. This is not ‘positive thinking’. It is Brain Science.”

My life/professional partner, Dr. Dave Dobson, often said, “The most important thing in life is awareness.” So become friendlier with your hard drive (brain) and notice when you are using yucky words. Many people are not aware of them, feel the yuck and wonder why they experience the unpleasant feelings. It is your brain and you are in charge.

You can interrupt the yucky pattern by saying, “cancel that.” Or “Stop!” Your thoughts will stop briefly, proof that your brain does listen to you. Then take a deep breath, exhale slowly, say what you would like to say instead. Or ask a great question like, “how can I feel better now?” Or, “what’s the best thing for me to do right now?” Or, “ how can I be happier?” This is a menu you are welcome to use and you can choose questions of your own. It’s amazing how your unconscious or Other than Conscious™ mind gives you the answers on how you can be happier. Pay attention.

Some people see yucky pictures. Experiment with this. Be as aware of your internal images as you are of your language. Push the image off into the distance. You will discover that the further away it is the less intense the feeling is. Make it smaller, dim, and defocused. Some of my clients blow it up or shatter it into little pieces. Now make the picture of what you want brighter, bigger, closer, add color. Play with this and find what works best for you.

You can make a happy list …. from tiny things to really big ones, and keep adding to it. Start listing what you enjoy. Some items on my personal list are the color red, sunrises, water, piloting a plane, scuba diving, butterflies, smiles and happy faces, reading, helping people, cotton, silk, morning coffee, etc. How about dinner with friends, doing a good job at work, travel.

It works and will make a delightful difference. Imagine you just stepped into the field of infinite possibilities and make the longest list you can. My friend, Tony Robbins once told me I had the longest happy list he had seen. I continue to add to the list I started in 1980.

When you have a happy experience, remember a great memory, or feel delightfully wonderful (we all do), memorize it and touch your thumb and forefinger together. It becomes an anchor that you can replicate at will and feel good in an instant. You can stack the good feelings as a resource.
Before you sleep, tell your unconscious or Other than Conscious™ mind that you want to be happier in your own words and set goals for yourself. Then drift off to sleep while your Other than Conscious™ mind, who is on the job 24/7, assists you in this. Don’t be surprised if you discover more ways to feel happy or you start feeling happier for no particular reason.

When we are happy, we can make better decisions, create our hopes and dreams and make them real. We deserve it!

© Barbara J. Stepp

Author's Bio: 

At 75 years of age a, Barbara Stepp is noted for her enormous energy, playfulness, and outgageousnes. John LaValle says "Barbara is vivacious, determined, funny and energetic. She's sort of like the little pink bunny with the drum, she keeps on going and boy are we glad! She is a trainer who will make you laugh and feel good about yourself, and will latch on to a problem and not stop until you solve it."

Barbara is a licensed Society of NLP Master Trainer of NLP™ and DHE®, a Master Hypnotist, Brain Trainer and Premier coach. She especially enjoys private work with clients. Her coaching practice spans over 40 years. She has a 40 years experience as a corporate trainer as well as teaching Hypnois and using it with cleints.

She was the life and professional partner of Dave Dobson, PhD. and is now the heir/caretaker of his life's work and intellectual property, Other-Than-Conscious-Communciation and No Fault Psychology.

For more information on Barbara and her services visit: