How to Be the Ultimate Bridezilla

The wedding month of June is fast approaching, and with it scores of bridezillas who manage to turn the whole process of planning a wedding into a horrible nightmare. A bridezilla is a sweet, lovely “bride-to-be” who can easily turn into a spoiled, rotten, overbearing perfectionist little girl who is trapped into her childhood fantasies of how a fairy-tale wedding should be. Being a bridezilla is a snap. Simply follow the guidelines below without feeling any guilt or remorse. 1. It’s all about YOU. Make sure that you exclude the groom from making decisions. It’s your wedding day, and you’re the bride—so you call the shots.

Besides, it would be easier to organize everything without him getting in the way. Oh well, he can always massage your feet after a day of window-shopping. 2. Everything MUST be absolutely perfect! Harass the florist until he could produce roses with the perfect shade of blush pink. Or, throw a tantrum when the paper you’ve chosen for the invitation is only available in sky blue, not powder blue. Stress out over these little things even if they say no one will ever notice such trifles. Everything is important, and you have the right to be detail-oriented and crazy. 3.

As with everything else, demand perfection from your bridesmaids. Choose their gowns on your own- you can’t risk anyone looking better than you on your big day, right? Have them wear identical shoes- if someone is taller than you, tell her to wear flats because it won’t look good if she towers down on you. If someone is a little on the heavy side, ask her to slim down before the wedding. Tell them nobody should get tanned because you don’t want to look washed out standing next to them. Have them wear the exact same lipstick because it’s your favourite colour.

And yes, have them pay for the expensive dress. 4. Insist on an outdoor wedding even if you are getting married on November, in New York. 5. Bark orders to your wedding planner, to your family and friends. You want the wedding to be organized and well-planned, so keep them in their toes. Be as demanding as you can ever be. 6. You are the star and the guests are simply the audience. Who cares if everybody’s starving? You planned to have the food served after the program, and that’s how it’s going to be. It doesn’t matter if the guests are already munching on the apples from your table centrepieces- they will be eating in about thirty minutes, anyway.

Why can’t they have the decency to wait? 7. Only thank those who had enough sense to bring gifts. Those who came empty-handed should be thanking you for feeding them. 8. Make sure not to give tips to your vendors. They already ripped you off as it is. 9. Get mindlessly drunk on the reception. Celebrate! This is your dream-come-true, once-in-a-lifetime event! Never mind if you’ll have tragic wedding pictures and a wicked hangover the next day- just as long as you had fun, and was able to make fun of your in-laws. You get married only once (hopefully), so celebrate the day as if it were your last.

10. Start showing superiority over your husband the very next day after the wedding. It doesn’t matter if his family is there to witness how you boss him around. Show them that YOU will be wearing the pants from now on.