How to Bring Order to Your Chaos

It is probably not an exaggeration to say that if a man came into my house and vacuumed all my carpets, he could have his way with me. I love an orderly household. I crave clear, uncluttered surfaces and color-coded closet shelves. Truth be told, my conscious parenting efforts – and my absolute commitment to the health and happiness of my children – occasionally get derailed by my pathological need to reduce clutter and clean my house.n nI follow my children through the house, instructing them to pick something up or wipe something down every step of the way. I rearrange the throw pillows on the couch fifteen times a day.n nAnd every couple years, I take down the thousands of books crammed into cases all over the house and put them back in nice, logical categories.n nThe self-help books are all clustered happily together, arranged in height order. The trashy novels are grouped by author. The children’s books live side-by-side-by-subject, or season.n nMakes me feel good.n nTurns me on.n nThere is something about good organization that makes me feel safe and powerful. I have not done the research, but I am pretty sure that the sight of neatly stacked canned goods releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones.n nIt’s not that I want the whole world organized by color, shape and hairstyle. I don’t enjoy an overly-regimented day any more than my kids.n nBut I do greatly appreciate the way a solid, orderly routine creates a foundation from which you can launch any endeavor. n nThe way it creates space for adventures.n nYou know what I mean. It is much easier to enjoy a spur-of-the-moment trip to the beach on an unexpectedly warm, sunny day if you don’t have fifteen loads of laundry backed up, waiting for your attention.n nHere’s the rub: This does not come naturally to me. And let’s just say, my kids don’t really feel the urge, either. n nMy innately analytical mind can dream up all sorts of organizational schemes and processes. I can over-engineer the getting-to-bed and preparing-for-school routines in ways that would stump Einstein.n nBut implementing and maintaining said processes is a challenge.n nAnd my children – these marvelous anarchists who refuse to follow my directions without question, no matter how many times I’ve explained that this is how childhood worked in my day – continue to question the logic of it all.n n“Why do we have to clean up, just because Grandma is coming? She’s family!”n n“Why do we have to put all the sports stuff away, when we’re just going to get it all out again tomorrow?”n n“Why do we have to make our beds? No one is going to use them but us!” n nPoint taken.n nDoes conscious parenting mean that you have to actually listen to what your children are saying to you?n nProbably.n nAs with all things in life, then, we must return to the concept of balance. A certain amount of organization (and cleanliness) is probably good for all of us. An unhealthy obsession with it is... well, unhealthy.n n nHere are my Top 6 Tips for Bringing a Reasonable Amount of Order to Your Chaos:n n1. Practice Acceptance. Accept that a certain amount of clutter and chaos come with life. This is messy stuff. As my younger son has wisely counseled me on more than one occasion, “If everything was perfect, it would be boring.” n nOr, as I used to say in my old corporate days, “It may be sh&t, but it’s our sh&t.”n n2. Give Thanks. Try turning your organizing and cleaning activities into moving meditations. Rather than getting crazed about creating space for calm, make the process about calm. As you move through your activities, give thanks for all that you have and all that you have the power to do.n n3. Commit to Downsizing. When you have less stuff, there is less effort required to organize and maintain that stuff. Make a commitment to yourself to reduce the amount of stuff you are going to drag through life with you. Pick one closet, one drawer or one room to tackle at a time. Make the process another moving meditation. Be gentle with yourself.n n4. Phone a Friend. I have discovered that for some people, this sort of thing does come naturally. There are two of these people in my life: One sister and one good friend. They are both able to anticipate the joy of a task well done to such an extent that they actually get things done on a regular basis. When I am in desperate straits (such as, unpacking from a move), I call for help.n n5. Give Your Kids Their Space, Too. Consider that your child (or messy significant other?) has a right to live happily in their home, just like you. Don’t let house cleaning become a thorn in the side of your most important relationships. Find some middle ground.n nTry picking half the rooms in your house to keep in the kind of order that you enjoy, and letting the other half go Au Naturel. Even better, have a family meeting and talk about what each of you needs in terms of an orderly home. Make an agreement that acknowledges and respects the needs of each family member.n n6. Go to the Beach, Anyway. Life is short. Childhood passes in a nanosecond. If a day at the beach will bring you more shared joy than a day of laundry, go hit the sand.n n nRecommended Reading: Do you need a little inspiration? Try one of these great books: Elaine St. James writes about simplifying your life, both inwardly and outwardly in, Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things that Really Matter and Inner Simplicity: 100 Ways to Regain Peace and Nourish Your Soul. Get your clutter under control with, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, by Karen Kingston or, Making Peace with the Things in Your Life: Why Your Papers, Books, Clothes, and Other Possessions Keep Overwhelming You and What to Do About It, by Cindy Glovinsky.