How To Communicate Better In A Marriage: How To Improve Communication With Your Spouse

One of the most common problems in a marriage comes from a lack of proper communication techniques. Learning proper ways of communicating with your spouse can turn any marital problems you may be experiencing around quickly. Communication in marriage is so important in a relationship, bad communication can actually destroy your relationship. In fact, some may say that communication is the single most important aspect in a marriage. You will be very surprised by what you can accomplish when you learn to communicate and listen instead of talking and hearing. Can you see the difference?

Let Your Feelings Out

If you really want to begin learning effective communication with your spouse, you will want to get the negative feelings out. If you harbor negative feelings and thoughts about your spouse without letting them out, not only will these feelings consistently tug on your heart and thoughts, you stand the chance of letting them come out at the worst times.

If you let your feelings out in a controlled environment, such as a simple planned discussion with your spouse, this will be much better situation than letting it out without thinking before you speak.

Be Careful of Negativity

Unloading all of your negativity onto your partner at once is one of the worst things you can do. This is certainly not an effective communication method. Though as mentioned above, you should make sure you are letting negative feelings out, you don't want to let them out at one time without mixing positives in there as well.

If your spouse feels like they are getting flooded with negative feelings, you can place a sure bet that they are going to lash out with defensive behaviors, which again, is very ineffective when it comes to proper communication in marriage. Don't be afraid to let negative feelings out when you are communicating with your partner, but don't give them all negative feelings. Point out some of the things you love about them as well and make sure you are thinking before you speak.

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Listening instead of Hearing

Communication in marriage is not a one way street and you should not expect to be the only person talking during a planned discussion. You need to listen just as much as you are speaking. Effective listening is just as important as speaking.

The difference between listening and hearing is actual understanding. You may hear the words your spouse is telling you, but without listening, you cannot understand what they are saying. You should allow your partner to tell you what they have on their mind without you jumping to a conclusion or interrupting them with your own thoughts or feelings. It is important to acknowledge your partner's feelings with positivity.

Let Time Pass

It is true that time can heal wounds and you should also allow time to pass before making any rash decisions or giving your partner a rebuttal during a long discussion. Let the information and opinions sink in and always think before you speak.

When you are ready to speak, make sure your tone is calm and even. Shouting should have no place in these discussions.

Resolve Problems before Stopping the Talk

When you have planned to have a discussion with your spouse, it is important to resolve every problem that you can reasonably resolve before closing the doors of communication. Though you cannot possibly solve everything in one discussion, you can certainly feel better about your spouse after communicating and this is where you should be before you decide to end the talking for the time.

Discussing a plan of resolution with your spouse can help you work on any problems in your marriage together. When you work together, you work as one, which is just what a marriage should be.

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When a marriage breaks down, the problem can usually be traced to one thing and that is poor communication. Of course, the problem doesn't develop overnight.

It starts when couples stop having those long heart-to-heart talks. Casual dinner chats and small talks don't count as good communication. When you no longer talk to each other, you also stop becoming intimate. You know there is something lacking in your relationship but you can't quite pinpoint what it is.

Then you start looking for what's lacking in your relationship outside your marriage. This can lead to dishonesty and even infidelity. If you want to save your marriage then consider the tips below.

An Ounce of Prevention

Of course, a third party is not needed for a marriage to fall apart. Usually, when the wife or husband starts cheating, the marriage is already in a bad condition.

An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. If you need marriage help but are not yet on the brink of having a divorce, then you need to start paying attention to how you and your partner communicate on a daily basis.

If you are already on the verge of a break-up, there's no need to fret. As long as both of you are willing to save your marriage then you can still make changes that will let you avoid the dreaded D word!

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Expert Advice

If you don't know where to start developing better communication skills for your relationship, then you need to seek expert advice. You really don't have to take expensive courses or marriage counselling sessions.

The easiest and cheapest way to get expert advice is to go to friends who have been married for a much longer time than yourselves. Often real-life couples can offer more useful advice than so-called experts on the subject of marriage.

You can bet that these long-time couples have experienced problems similar to what you are experiencing right now so you can simply emulate what they have done to weather the storm.

Self-Help Books

Another inexpensive way to get expert advice is to buy books. Don't dismiss those self-help books on relationships. They're not selling millions of copies for nothing. Sure, many of them are probably not worth your time. But you can definitely find a treasure within the pile.

One of the best authors on the subject of relationships is John Gray of Venus and Mars fame. He is one of the first ones to point out that acknowledging the basic differences between men and women is the key to a better relationship. Couples crying "save my marriage today" will benefit from his wisdom.

More Than Words

You also have to realize that communication goes beyond talking. The age-old adage that says "action speaks louder than words" is something that couples should live by.

- When was the last time you showed affection to your spouse?

- When was the last time you gave him/her a sincere kiss and hug?

If you can't remember, then that just means that you have been remiss in expressing your feelings in a non-verbal manner. Of course, it's always nice to hear your partner say how much he/she loves you.

But remember, it is always much better if YOU initiate the words that he or she is waiting to hear!

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It takes two to start a marriage and it will take two to save the marriage! If you and your spouse have reached that critical point in your relationship, both of you need to make an effort to mend things between yourselves. Marriage is a two-way street, so expecting only your partner to change will not bring back what you have lost.

If you want to regain your spouse, you need to take baby steps. Forcing things will not solve anything.

Step one: Sit down and talk things out!

Silence is your worst enemy when you are on the verge of divorce. Both of you need to understand why you feel like going on separate ways. Opening the subject may be difficult, it may come down to hurtful arguments, but, at least, you will let it all out. There is no other way to find out where you did wrong and your partner has no way of knowing what bothers you. You and your spouse need to have a serious discussion!

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Step two: Don't give in to your impulses, be careful what you say and what you do!

Rage is the most important impediment, if you really want to save the marriage! Count to ten before you reply to an angry question. Think before you say something you will regret. You cannot wipe them off with a sponge, once you have brought them to the table. Your partner's flaws are not the factors that made you grow apart. You knew him or her before you committed. Do not accuse, but point out what ate your relationship from inside out. It is not hard to remember what made you fall in love in the past, but it takes time to rediscover who you have become, who you are in the present.

Step three: Make a pact!

As improbable as it may seem now, you need to compromise. Whether it is money, sex or infidelity that determined you to ask for time apart, you need to forgive and forget if you want to remain for a lifetime next to the person you have married. Once you have talked things over, digging up bad memories will only sicken your renewed relationship. You both need to agree that you will try to bring out what the other one found in you when you first met. You must get to know each other again in order to save the marriage!

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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In a marriage, usually, everything starts out great; but at some point during the course of the marriage, one of the spouses will start questioning the feelings that both of them have. This happens often in too many marriages. If the thorn of questioning rises in family, from then onwards it's only downhill. When you get a feel that "my spouse wants to divorce me", you should do something to save your marriage right now by taking action.

In a marriage, taking someone for granted never works in anyone's favor. If your spouse doesn't love you anymore and if he or she is moving apart from you, it means that he or she was taking you for granted. This happens because people don't want things that are easily accessible but want things that aren't easy to have. If you husband or wife takes you for granted, then it means that you are available to him or her easily and this is the one that kills his love toward you.

As you are married, you have signed the papers and there is no way for you to walk out of this relationship easily - you have pledged and devoted your life officially to your spouse - this is the main reason why your spouse takes your for granted. Therefore, when you get a feel that "my spouse wants to divorce me", you have to do something to reverse this to stop your marriage from a divorce.

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Some of the laws made by nature (which were outline above) don't have to be against you. You have to make use of this situation and turn it in such a way that it actually becomes in favor of you. You can do this by stopping yourself from acting like a little girl who makes a guy to love her or to have his attention with all her efforts (or if you are a guy, vice versa). You have to be inaccessible to your spouse - don't be in front of him or her the whole day and just go for an outing with your friends. Stop showing your love to him at every minute and make him feel lonely when you are not there at home. This will work when you feel that "my spouse wants to divorce me" or if he or she is not in love with you anymore. This method will work great if you can pull it off the right way!

Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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