How To Convince Your Husband To Stay Married: How To Convince My Husband To Stay With Me

There are many ways to save a marriage. What will work for some will not work for others. There are no hard and fast rules in relationships, especially in saving a marriage. You need to find the approach that is relevant to your situation and to what you're going through. So how and where do you find relevant marital guidance?

Here are some tips that you might find helpful in your quest:

1. Browse the Internet - Begin with random browsing of pages on the Web that talk about saving a marriage. You can do this at home or when you're idle at work. You just have to keep browsing until you find the recommendations that fit your current situation. Once you feel that the information you have is relevant, begin following it so you find out what works and what doesn't.

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2. Seek counseling - Making a marriage work is a team effort. It simply won't work if only one member of the team is making all the effort while the other is not interested at all to pull a muscle. Seeking professional help is one way of showing that you are concerned about the marriage and are serious about making it work.

3. Read books on relationships - While reading books just won't be a substitute for learning based on experience, it sometimes helps to assess the situation according to other people's wisdom and experience. Of course, no book can give you a specific plan on how to deal with your marriage because each situation is different. However, you should be able to find and apply tips that are relevant to your relationship.

4. Talk your problems out - There is nothing that could break a marriage if only you and your partner take the time to talk and discuss your differences. Your best source of information on how to save your marriage is no less than your partner. Pay attention to your spouse and learn to listen. In the same way, verbalize what's on your mind and be honest.

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What men want in a woman is someone who thinks that they're number one. What does that imply? It implies that the man in number two. Now, if you have any friends that are married, you would be aware of at least one couple where the man is considered "whipped" by his wife. Basically, she wears the pants in the relationship and she calls the shots in general. Still, they are unbreakable and there don't appear to be any cracks appearing any time soon. Here are three other reasons why having a woman who is number one in the relationship is not only important, but crucial.

1. What's the opposite?

What's the opposite of a woman who is calling the shots in a relationship? A man doing it instead is the opposite. This seems to be the more "traditional" example of a working relationship, but it won't work out in this day and age.

Women are becoming more and more empowered (as they should be). Men need female input. They are the brains to our brawn, the heart to our head. If the woman is subservient and quiet, the man leads the relationship, but it's never going to be as fulfilling to both parties if the woman has no say.

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2. She has more to "give"

Something that's really satisfying about a woman who is number one is being able to wrest control from her when there's a clash of opinions. If a woman agrees with everything a man says, it's boring and the relationship isn't as strong as it can be.

At any point in time, one of the two is going to have more power than the other. Depending on the time and the place, either the man or the woman will be the leader. If the person who has the power can give it to the person whose turn it is to lead, that's a sign of respect and trust.

3. Open Communication

A woman who is number one is on top of her game. She knows what she wants, she knows where she stands in the relationship and she understands the dynamics of the relationship better than the woman who doesn't voice her opinion.

Speak your mind and you are not only empowering yourself, you're also strengthening your relationship by evening the playing field out.

What men want in a woman is someone who is number one. The man has to take control from her and the woman has to willingly give it too. The relationship benefits more when the woman is number one due to better communication.

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I was praying one day, so hurt with what my husband said to me. I laid down my hurts and pains before the Lord and started asking Him a lot of "whys". Then He said: "What about you?" to which I replied: "What do you mean?" And He said: "Let's not talk about your husband. I will deal with him separately on that. Let's talk about you and your role as a wife". Oh my! I wanted to run away when I heard that. I felt that God was siding with my husband and that was the last thing I needed at that time.

"What about me" was what God wanted to deal with and not "what about my husband". He wanted me to look at myself first and not at the other person. For as long as I am looking at my husband I will not be able to look at myself more closely. "But God" I said, and He replied, "I understand. But this is between me and you and has nothing to do with him". That was when God started showing me Scriptures about my role as a wife. That was also the time I realized that this marriage is not about me or my rights but about my role as a wife and what God says in His Word.

You are in your marriage not for you to defend your rights but for you to give up your rights to God. You are in your marriage to serve God as you serve your husband and your children. You are in your marriage to grow in this walk and to be perfected just as God is perfect. You are in your marriage for sanctification. Your marriage is not about you but about God.

It doesn't matter if our husbands are doing their part or not. As I've mentioned earlier, God is going to deal with them separately on that. Meanwhile, what matters to God is if we are doing our part.

The Bible has many Scriptures that talk about our part and role in our marriage.

1. Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

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2. In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him-to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

3. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. (Proverbs 31:12)

4. Her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust] (Proverbs 31:18).

Submit, adapt, subordinate, respect, revere, honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, adore, admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, enjoy, comfort, and encourage. These are some of our basic roles. Add to that "doing him only good as long as there is life within you". And don't forget to keep your lamp burning, meaning, you are to be the light in your house and it has to keep burning. This does not give way to a pitiful, anxious, fearful, or depressive spirit.

But my husband is not even doing his job as the leader of the house... my husband drinks a lot... my husband is addicted to porn... my husband is rude to me... my husband can't even provide for us... etc. etc. etc.

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Let me bring you back to 1 Peter 3:1-2

In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband].

Whoever your husband is and no matter how bad he is, God expects you to do your part. Of course you are not to submit to him if he is telling you to sin. If he is asking you to watch porn with him then you are not expected to submit because it is against the Word of God. But don't let his sin stop you from serving him, loving him, appreciating him, encouraging him, and all your other God-given duties.

It is not going to be easy more so if you have a husband who is not surrendered to Jesus. This is why Ephesians 5:22 emphasizes that our submission to our husbands is a service to the Lord. It is not for him but for God.

Look at your marriage as your ministry. Your role as a wife is your servitude to God. Fulfilling your role is pleasing to God. Fulfilling these roles despite the difficulties is a sacrifice to God. When you start doing your role, God will move on your behalf. Remember, obedience will release the miracle working power of God in your life.

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Have you ever really gotten upset at someone and then realized later that you over reacted. There are some tools to use that will help you stay calm and react appropriately to the situation. I call them the "Reality Check".

When we get triggered it is hard to stay in a logical state of mind. We usually go to the emotional part of our brain and our emotions take over. The Reality Check will help you pause for a moment and think before reacting. When you are triggered, stop for a moment and ask yourself, What emotion am I connecting to this event. Am I feeling:

- Abandoned

- Rejected

- Invalidated

- Alone

- Hurt

- Betrayed

There are many emotions you could be feeling, but these are a few of the major ones.

Then ask yourself, "Could this be a misinterpretation on my part about the event?" Remember there are always two sides to the story and you only have one side. Ask yourself, "What else could this mean?" What do I need from this person that would help me feel better now." Do not attempt to communicate until you have answered these questions:

- Do I need to change my perception?

- Do I need to get more information?

- Do I need to understand their view?

- Do I need to know they care?

- Do I need to change the way I/we are doing something?

- Do I need an apology?

- Do I need to remember who this person is and remember he/she would never do anything intentionally to hurt me?

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How can I communicate my needs in such a way that will empower my relationship with this person?

What is great or what could be great about this if I wanted it to be?

When you practice this when there is an upset, it will get easier for you to step back and respond in a positive way instead of a negative way.

What usually happens is we get upset and we cry for help by attacking. The other person feels threatened and so he/she reacts with defensiveness. Which is another cry for help and the cycle continues and both feel invalidated and rejected. Neither person gets their needs met for love and acceptance. Before our needs get met, we have to know what needs we have and take responsibility in communicating them. It is possible that the other person may not always be able to meet our needs. We may have to find a way to meet our own needs in a healthy way without putting something on the other person that they cannot fulfill.

Next time you get upset, give this a try. It will take practice, but my husband and I have learned to do this and it has helped us communicate a lot more effectively. It is worth the work.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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